I perhaps seemed a bit cranky with my last post. I perhaps seemed to be a bit down on the male sex. Actually – nothing could be further from the truth.
My last post was a satirical, passive aggressive swipe NOT at men but at EXTREME, man-hating radical feminists.
I am NOT a radical feminist. In fact, I am a mild-mannered feminist – believe it or not! Let me clarify – in my personal definition – one is a feminist if one believes that women have the right to live their lives equitably with men and if one actively supports women in doing so. By this definition – men may be feminists.
Now there are those who would criticize such a definition for not being politically specific “enough” – yes, well, but that is where the trouble can begin to start. When we start to define a philosophical point of view too narrowly, drawing the boundaries a bit too snugly – we begin to become exclusive. We begin to become intolerant of those that do not meet our narrow criteria. To my way of thinking – this can begin to become counter-productive. Of course all feminists are not going to entirely agree about this or that. Do Democrats all always agree? Republicans? Of course not. Humans & human nature are far too complex. What is important is to keep in mind our common goals for a better, fairer world.
And this is where my frustration with EXTREME radical feminism begins. The term “radical feminism” basically refers to a brand of feminism that believes that it is not possible to work within patriarchy in order to bring about change. And therefore the patriarchy & the patriarchs (you men) need to be replaced by women. This has always made me a bit nervous as it seems to be privileging one sex over another. Just a different sex this time. Dangerously close to being an example of reverse sexism. However, I’ve usually been able to at least philosophically engage some of its arguments in the spirit of moving the whole issue of women’s equality forward.
BUT – what I am encountering more & more in the blogosphere is a very extreme form of this philosophy. A blatantly MAN HATING strain. And, as if this wasn’t bad enough, many of these women are also rude & unkind to any woman who dares to disagree with them. I have seen this occur in more than one comment thread on more than one blog. They make fun of us women who believe men can be part of the solution rather than the problem. They ridicule us women who enjoy sex with men. (Some claim to be “political lesbians” – which means that they loathe sex with men but feel no desire sexually for women so then, I guess, are largely asexual except for masturbating - maybe. I have no problem with such a lifestyle choice – but I resent their implications about the rest of us who are desiringly heterosexual as if some how that means we are selling out feminism).
Such ill will towards their fellow women distresses me beyond words. I’m not kidding. It angers & saddens me. With such behavior we are making each other the problem, the enemy. This is nuts! And what the hell does such an exclusive club accomplish? It is counter-productive.
It makes me angry – so angry that I feel myself thinking awful things about these extreme radical feminists which means I am going against my own principles of always trying to be supportive of other feminists.
Now – lest anyone think these are just yelling, ignorant hotheads – no they are not. What is unsettling is that many of them are clearly well-educated & know how to frame an argument well.
Finally, I have been readings feminist blogs on & off for a couple of years. Whenever screaming & yelling begins – whether between men & women or women & women – I have often wondered whether the free & open forum for the expression of thought that the blogoshpere provides is really of benefit to feminist discourse in general. I worry sometimes that the anonymity afforded by the blogosphere allows for so much bad behavior that it is dragging such discussions & their participants down into an irretrievably polarizing muck.
SOOOO – I do not want to eat males – squid or human. Some of my favorite creatures are male – always have been & I hope always will be. I hope my satirical angst caused no offense.
"I worry sometimes that the anonymity afforded by the blogosphere allows for so much bad behavior that it is dragging such discussions & their participants down into an irretrievably polarizing muck."
ReplyDeleteWorry no more - it's true. Like blacked out windows in cars, anonymity gives marginal people a way to reveal what turds they are without revealing their identities.
There really ought to be a word for people who want socio-economic equality and equal protection under the law for all, regardless of gender or race or weight or age or religion, because if one is merely a feminist wanting to keep it all about them you'll get angry, nasty and sociopathic types taking over, as you point out.
Come to think of it, perhaps there is such a word. It's "Liberal."
In a cartoon I saw some time ago, there are two praying mantis, one headless. The one with the head says to the one without the head: "You were with that woman again last night!"
ReplyDeleteWhere life imitates art, the headless are always heedless on the Internet.
Fogg - It is definitely a case of liberal versus radical. And within the liberal camp there are of course those of us with our own pet issues - such as feminism, or saving the environment, or eradicating racism or classism, etc. etc. And in a utopian liberal world - all of us liberals will support each others causes as we champion the issues of our own as all being part of a whole - a whole which is respectful of the interests of all.
ReplyDeleteFascinatingly to me - extreme radical feminism is so horrifyingly close-minded that it begins to sounds as shrill as the self righteous evangelical right. A very sad irony.
And - what worries me - is that it will alienate people to the liberal - not radical - cause of feminism. That they are why feminism is thought of as the "F" word. And I can not help but think it is helping to fuel the fires of the very real backlash against feminism.
I know I give you a hard time sometimes, Fogg, & that I can be a stickler about gender related things. I am adamant about voicing the rights of women because we do not still have equality - not by a long shot. But all I ask of you & all other men is that you be fair & share.
Fair enough?
As for you, Octopus, my favorite male feminist blogger - are preying mantises like black widows? And as you usual - you crack me up.
Correct, Squid, the praying mantis is much like the black widow except, all things being equal, they are green ... with envy!
ReplyDeleteOn of the things I find most lacking in the blogoshere is the ability to speak to one another, face to face. So much is lost with just the written word - the inflection, volume and accompanying body language that goes a long way to getting our point across. It also gives us the ability to quickly correct a misconception and get back on topic.
ReplyDelete(And it also gives me more voices for my head!)
I agree with rockync, so much online discussion seems to reflect those conversations we have where we say something, then they say something, then we say something, but there is no listening going on.
ReplyDeleteThe extreme of any group always seems to be like the ends of a loaf of bread, most people don't like them, some people, though, go to them first.
Laura, I like your bread analogy.
ReplyDeleteRocky & Laura - I agree whole heartedly with your thoughts about on-line communicating. In fact - that's part of the anonymity issue I was referring to. On-line communication not only allows for anonymity of name, rank & serial number, so to speak, but also for anonymity of behavior such as facial expression, body language etc. All of these things are masked. And, as a result, we do not have to confront the immediate reaction of someone to our words. We are not present when our words cause the anger so we do not have to take genuine responsibility for them. We do not know the person who said the things that made us angry as well so we fill in the blanks & assume they are a rotten person who deserves to be equally told off on-line - perpetuating the uncivil rounds of discourse on-line.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely hate it which is why I am a "cowardly" blogger & shy away from participating in contentious forums.
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