My new Prius Hybrid is two months old and I am pleased to report: It performs as advertised. Your eco-friendly Octopus gets 50 miles/gallon on average, about 40% more fuel-efficient than my last car. There is one more benefit I did not anticipate: Fewer traffic violations. That’s right!
According to a recent survey, hybrid drivers get 78% fewer speeding tickets, 75% fewer violations for running lights and stop signs, 82% fewer violations for failing to yield, and zero citations for driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Zero. Zip!
For years, I have been a PhD candidate in the Professor Henry Louis Gates School of Driving, earning myself a perfect grade-point average of four violations per swear word. What I have learned: A beer and a teaching moment can turn careless drivers into instant law-abiding citizens.
All is not perfect, however, in the world of hybrids. Driving one will not dissuade bloggers from posting too much text or replying “me too” in response to a “me too” comment. Furthermore, if you are “recklessly clueless,” chances are your posts will have 400% more reader comments than if you are “cluelessly reckless.”
One caveat - the bipartisan model (pictured above) has been discontinued … Octopus got the last one. However, Toyota has announced a GOP model that will be even more fuel-efficient. It has no engine but two trunks, which means you will have to get out and push.
Well, if we get out to push that will increase our exercise ise making us more healthy. A win-win situation! :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd consider this benefit: With two trunks, you get to carry around a lot more baggage. N'est pas (which means "push harder")!
ReplyDeleteYeah, but with the car in the picture, half of the people will be pushing on each end. I don't know how that's going to work out.
ReplyDeleteN'est pas? Something to do with birds, n'est ce pas?
ReplyDeleteA vehicular "push-me pull-you" in Doolitlian fashion.
ReplyDeleteI'm baffled as to why Prius owners suddenly become more law-abiding drivers. I lost you there, Octo.
I think I'll keep my truck...
ReplyDeleteRocky: Between your truck and my truck, we can pull Octo's Hybrid, then NO ONE will have to pull or push! Talk about bipartisanship!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm talking about, all of us working together!
ReplyDeleteGreen Eagle: “half of the people will be pushing on each end ...”
ReplyDeleteAccording to the last election, 53% of the people will push at one end and 47% of the people will push at the other end. A stripped-down model runs on public opinion polls.
Captain Fogg: “Something to do with birds, n'est ce pas?”
Oh, merde alors! Or did you mean: Vögeln ruhm um die Uhr” ??
Squid: “I'm baffled as to why Prius owners suddenly become more law-abiding drivers …
If you drive said vehicle (pictured above) the wrong way down a one-way street and a cop stops you, you can always say you were traveling in the opposite (lawful) direction. And if the cop doesn’t believe you, all you need is a reasonable doubt to convince the judge. Note: All statistics cited herein are bogus.
Rockync: “I think I'll keep my truck...”
Do you mean the one with the bumper sticker that reads: "Broken horn. Watch for finger" ??
Pamela: “Talk about bipartisanship!”
Citing the Mark Sanford case, Judge Sotomayer stunned the judiciary committee when she reversed herself, saying: ”Not all Latina women are wise.”
Weder Ornithologe noch Vogelfänger bin ich und deswegen weisse ich nichts vieles über Vogelsache.
ReplyDeleteOs saudades de um passarinho
Lamentos sem Lágrimas
I have tried in my way
to be free.
Captain, I thought you might like this one:
ReplyDeleteLAUGHTER
The cage was shut so long
a bird hatched out
the bird was silent so long
the cage broke open
and rusted in the silence
the silence lasted so long
behind the black bars
laughter broke out
Tadeusz Rosewicz (trans. Marco Carynnyk)
Along those lines -- I've grown so tired of being stuck behind lumbering Priuses in traffic that I've designed an antidote. It's called the Priapus: 1200 HP and a stainless steel battering ram up front.
ReplyDeleteHave you been watching one too many movies lately, Captain?
ReplyDeleteHmmm - that's an unauthorized biography you know.
ReplyDelete