Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Eostre Ishtar Easter!

OK, so it's been a long weekend of religious observances. I mean, two days ago it was Good Friday (mine was just OK, but that doesn't matter here).

Friday was also the feast day of Saint Epipodius of Lyon (then known as Lugdunum). He was tortured and martyred during the second century in France, and is the patron saint of bachelors and people who've been betrayed or were victims of torture. (Which you could say covers the entire male gender. * rimshot *)

(Funny story - Epipodius had a companion, a Greek named Alexander. Both were lifelong bachelors, and they lived and worked together. And were tortured and killed together, when it comes to that. And both were canonized. All this in spite of the Catholic Church's hatred of homosexuality. Hmmm...)

Yesterday was St George's Day, which is an unofficial national holiday in England. And today, of course, is the annual celebration of the Great Zombie Uprising of 33 A.D.

No, I'm serious. It's right there in the Bible:
and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many. (Matthew 27:52-53)
Fortunately for the people of Jerusalem, these were all holy zombies, so they couldn't hunt for brains on the Sabbath.

Now, I self-identify as an agnostic, but that's mostly because I don't put the time into thinking about things that don't really matter to me. I'm probably better identified as a doubting agnostic, because if there is such a thing as a god, I'm pretty damned sure (heh) that he or she isn't the one the Christocrats want to promote.

But for whatever reason, these idiots don't want to stop trying to brainwash everybody else into their tiny-minded philosophy. They even end up in court over this kind of behavior, and almost alway lose. And really, that's the way things should be - it's right there in the Constitution - but some people don't want to accept that. So they can't remember little things.

Simple things, like the fact that public schools, paid for by our tax money, shouldn't have blatantly religious banners hung in the auditorium,

The "War on Easter" never really caught on (although that doesn't stop the idiots from trying to resurrect it, because irony is beyond them).

In Illinois, a Circuit Court judge just ruled that pharmacists can refuse to sell "morning-after" pills if they feel like causing an unwanted pregnancy that it's against their religious principles.

Over in Texas, Governor Goodhair was able to declare this "a Weekend of Prayer for Rain," despite the fact that God obviously wanted the drought. (You kind of expect it out of Texas, though - the home of Poledancing for Jesus.)

But these people keep getting voted back in, because there are enough of the certifiably insane people out there: you know, the types of people who think a home circumcision is a good idea. (Because, you know... Jesus!)

Various government agencies keep wasting time and tax dollars by starting meetings with a prayer .

The God-swallowers keep trying to claim that America is a Christian nation and founded on "Christian values" (mostly hatred and homophobia), despite the fact that most of the Founding Fathers were deists (most of whom believe that God may have started it all, but really doesn't care about us any more). Mike Huckabee is the latest guy to try and argue that only Christians should be elected.

A lady in Kansas was approved for a state-funded liver transplant which will save her life. Of course, that wasn't good enough for her - she's a Jehovah's Witness, and she's suing the state to pay to send her to Nebraska, where she can get a bloodless transplant. (You know, since she believes dead folks go to "a better place," why is she trying to save her own life?)

See, folks, it's simple. You can believe whatever stupid crap you want, but as soon as you try to force your religion on the rest of us, that's when you need to be stopped.

5 comments:

  1. Yes, you're absolutely right. Goddamn these Christian-American values. And these Christian idiots are just too stupid to bear. Not to mention they're too easy a target. What we really need are some wound-up, bitterly ironic, intelligent, liberal white males to take on. They'd put up a much better fight...

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  2. And disappointingly, this great pole-dancing marketing video, as interesting as it is, doesn't seem to be bringing in the Jesus-idiot crowds...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs0fRIofWH8

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  3. I like your video! Great work! Happy Easter as well!...Daniel

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  4. Well, not technically my video, Daniel.

    Edgy - I like the easy targets. I hit them more often. And incidentally, a promo video, shot in an empty studio, possibly doesn't give you the best idea of how popular something is.

    Then again, neither does this. But there it is anyway.

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  5. Those darn christians! One day its symbolical cannibalism with eating the body and drinking the blood of Jesus, then zombie Jesus rising from his grave, and now some young girls want to dance with Jesus' symbolic penis! This is a cult with a twisted sense of humor.

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