By (O)CT(O)PUS
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| Cute, cuter, and cutest of all. |
Claims of fetal masturbation, advanced by Congressman Michael Burgess (R-TX) in support of the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act (HR 1797), remind me of Gulliver’s Voyage to Laputa, Balnibarbi, Luggnag, Glubbdubdrig, and Japan (Part III). As you may recall …
His ship attacked by pirates, Lemuel Gulliver finds himself marooned near India, where he is rescued by the kingdom of Laputa, a flying island known for raining down rocks on rebellious cities – the original “Shock and Awe.” Gulliver tours the Grand Academy of Lagado and discovers the great scientific undertakings of the realm: Reverse Photosynthesis (extracting sunlight from vegetables), Reverse Alimentation (turning feces into canapés and crudités), and Doo Doo Mining for Data (sniffing the excrement of suspicious persons for evidence of partisan conspiracies – see Darrell Issa).
According to Congressman Burgess, the Republican Uterus Emeritus and
You watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. They feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?What gives here? Is Burgess talking about fetuses or babies? How is a 15-week fetus developmentally equivalent to a 15-week baby? Perhaps his sentimental attachment to babies accounts for the semantic legerdemain of Lagado men who swap words to bend science: If a baby is cute, and a fetus is cuter, then a male fetus spanking the monkey is cutest of all – and especially venerated by male legislators who flog the log.
The key threshold set by the Supreme Court in Roe v. Wade legalizes abortion on the basis of viability, i.e. that abortions cannot be banned until a fetus reaches viability at 24 weeks. The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act moves this threshold to 20 weeks – with no exemptions for rape or incest or complications of pregnancy that threaten the health or life of the mother.
Are fetuses capable of feeling pain? Not according to this report from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists:
In reviewing the neuroanatomical and physiological evidence in the fetus, it was apparent that connections from the periphery to the cortex are not intact before 24 weeks of gestation and, as most neuroscientists believe that the cortex is necessary for pain perception, it can be concluded that the fetus cannot experience pain in any sense prior to this gestation.How will the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act apply to fraternal twins in utero? In the annals of the Grand Academy of Lagado, a male fetus in utero masturbates and impregnates his fraternal sister in utero. Shall we consider this an act of rape or incest or both? How will the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act impact on babushka pregnancies? Shall the newborn male be handcuffed in afterbirth and put on trial as an unborn sex predator? No doubt, Congressman Burgess will ride to the rescue of fetal masturbators with riders nested inside riders until he goes blind.
It's not JUST Congressman Burgess, it's Congressman Burgess, MD (OB/GYN), no, really, I'm not joking. He's not either. He IS a joke, but he's not joking. What a fucktard.
ReplyDelete15 week "fetal" handjob, would be a "futile" handjob as neither the fingers NOR the penis are fully formed at that stage. Oh, yeah, and the thing you cited about them feeling pain, also, too.
Being republican means never having to "talk down" to your constituents, because you're even fucking dumber than they are.
DC,
DeleteI was aware beforehand that Dr. Dumbass Burgess is an OB/GYN. Why I chose not to mention his credentials in the above post? This never ceases to amaze: How a perfectly decent medical school education fails to withstand the massive brain damage caused by tea party politics.
Besides, I remind myself that Drs. Josef Mengele and Radovan Karadzic – both MDs who became notorious war criminals – would not be considered subject matter experts even by today’s lower-than-low standards.
In the end, I thought, the credentials of Dr. Dumbass Burgess was irrelevant to this post.
And it's not just Congressman Burgess, MD (OB/GYN) -- it's the crapulous Christian right trying to save unborn "souls" from their "sin" and issuing pious lies and faith-filled frauds to do it. It's the godbastards punishing women for some stupid legendary misdeed and dredging endless muck from that bottomless Biblical pit of misogyny.
ReplyDeletePain in the womb? They don't give a shit about pain after birth and often sell it as our just desserts as children of Adam and Eve, like pain in childbirth, like the pain of trying to survive. It's all a ploy. Wacking off in utero? Why hell, that's a sin and the wages thereof are well known, so isn't there a contradiction here?
Well never mind, these satanic bastards never have tripped over a contradiction in pursuit of your sanity and so relentless are they that
I'm quite convinced that religion is the manure spreader of the Devil, covering the world with the stink of human misery.
I don't care if the fetus break dances and does splits. If they are going to push to stop abortions then I want every rapist jailed for life and his penis cut off. They sentence a woman to a life of raising an unwanted child produced from terror and degradation and even if she gives it up for adoption she has had to pay the price for a criminal's act. That criminal should be punished accordingly. We cannot have one conversation without the other.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a transcription error. It should read...
ReplyDeleteThey feel pleasure, why is it so hard?