"Our Lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail me now"
-Elwood Blues-
Some may see the Hobby Lobby decision as a mortal wound to separation of Church and State -- and rightly so in my opinion. Others see it as an opportunity. Other institutions, such as Wheaton College near Chicago have been allowed by the SCOTUS to deny insurance coverage for any form of contraception by the ultra conservative Catholic majority on the court. The Christian war on women is now protected. Other religions don't count, never mind what the Constitution says.
But an opportunity for would-be religious tyrants and tax evaders is an opportunity for all and I think it's time for me to assert my own religious freedom by filing suit with the country so that I don't have to pay that part of my taxes that supports math and science education and of course Sex education. As Justice Bader-Gisnberg suggested, every man is now his own religion. I don't want to pay taxes for schools that are integrated religiously and racially and the Bible certainly supports that vehemently. I won't pay part of my Florida Sales taxes that support executions, of my Federal taxes that support invasions of other countries. It's against my religion.
And what is my religion? Well that's my business because the government doesn't get to say one belief is real and another isn't. It may not interfere in the free exercise even when that exercise is a detriment to others and if my beliefs demand I ignore public safety or give the finger to the public good, I'm protected by the
Enter the Holy Assembly of Velocitarians. For us, speed is holy and the attainment thereof is tax deductible, nor do speed limits apply, for reasons of religious freedom. Our Two Commandments are short and simple:
- Get your motor running
- Head out on the highway.
And if they dare to stop you, just present your religious exemption card - presuming they can catch you - obtainable from Bishop Fogg at Knieval Cathedral, 666 rte. 66, Stuart, Florida. for only $50 bucks cash. *
* Includes handsome window sticker. Pick up truck and SUV owners need not apply.
Makes more sense than allowing Westboro to call itself a church and claim religious exemption. I'd join your church - I feel a need for speed!
ReplyDeleteOr to allow a corporation to claim it has a religion and demand exemption from the law.
DeleteSunday SUNDAY! It's not just a drag race, it's a sacrament.
The United Church of Crustacean Crunch is now open for business and accepting members. Our first miracle: your generous donations have turned blind men penniless.
ReplyDeleteAnd lo, the blind shall walk, the lame shall see. . .
DeleteWow! And can the official ecclesiastical garment be a Speedo?
DeleteThese two things are against my religion, Cucinafarianism: Oreo cookie cannoli and shrimp and pineapple pizza. There are more, but that just off the top of my halo.
Bishop Fogg is a bit old to wear a speedo, but I'm old enough to remember the Cadillac's 1955 do-wop hit.
DeleteYes, that kind of 'pizza' is an abomination, but the cannon does include cannoli.
We have the ecclesiastical garment ( a Speedo), and, thanks to Capt. Fogg for jogging my memory, a sacred hymn for the Church of the Holy Assembly of Velocitarians. May I also suggest this for our sacrament?
DeleteSad to say, Saint Earl passed away a year or so ago but thanks for the link. Great tune for howling down some country lane with the top down. Um, 13 miles without wheels? Ain't gonna happen unless it's on the water or in the air.
DeleteCan I belong to both churches? I could be bi-spiritual. Is that a protected class?
DeleteDamn! An iPad ate my comment. Now, where was I? Oh, yes:
ReplyDeleteThese days, we commemorate just about everything - anniversaries, birthdays, religious holidays, shopping holidays, historical events - it seemed fitting and proper to add BIG BANG to my already busy schedule.
Yes, BIG BANG; not Fourth of July fireworks but the Birth of the Universe! Why not! Without those early protons, neutrons and elections, without those mesons and morons, where would we be right now?
So let's celebrate. KA-BOOM!
We call it a bang, but did it make a sound? In a universe that didn't develop matter for some time, could there be a definition of sound at all, much less a medium for it travel through? I'd suggest big flash, but even light had to wait a very long time for the universe to become translucent.
ReplyDeleteBut of course, you know it's all a Big Hoax, otherwise it would be in the Bible.