Monday, September 22, 2014

Epawesome

In today's American parlance, or kidspeak as I call it, everything worth mentioning is either awesome or it sucks.  As with some aspects of American politics there's not much in between the extremes of cliche description, although of late some things have become less awesome and more epic. Perhaps the kids are growing tired of awesome as they grow older, some of our kids being in late middle age these days.

Anyway, I have the bad habit of noticing trends and processes in things and I noticed a sign just the other day, advertising a church down here in the Bible belt -- a church where they provide "Epic Worship." 

It's not that epic is a bad or lesser word for what goes on in churches.  The Bible after all is truly an epic: an historical and poetical narrative or tradition.  For those who worship the Bible or the characters in it,  the experience might indeed be awesome in the true sense of the word if I might be permitted to suggest that words have true meaning or history.

Perhaps awesome has lost a bit of its panache, having effectively replaced a large portion of the vocabulary although, like the other cute, cliche manifestations of eternal youth and hipness we cling to, perhaps not. Such things have an extraordinary life span, after all. Backwards hats are entering the second half century of  cutting edge semiotic splendor seen at the country club as well as the convenience store dumpster late at night.  Who knows how much longer things will be awesome or how much longer we'll be content with saying it as though we were Oscar Wilde uttering some fresh, novel and awesomely trenchant witticism.  I suspect one of those syncritisms we see when we study ancient pantheons or senescent dialects: Amun and Ra become Amun-Ra and gigantic and enormous fuse together to make the user feel ginormously less illiterate.

In short, how much longer before we hear epawsome?

7 comments:

  1. You said it here, so it won't be long now.

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  2. OMG, Captain! You totally killed it with this post. Can I get an amen from everyone else who read it?

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    1. Amen? -- at the Epic Worship Church, the preacher asks "can I get an Awwwwwwsome?" The congregation responds: "Duuuuude!"

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  3. Grandkid recently clued in to "epic." As an exercise in futility, I mentioned that the word is really a noun. Something about Homer. Still, it is a shame I couldn't have towed the little tyke along to my second trip to Black's Beach this summer, Saturday before last. I knew that my bro and I would face epic womp and we did. Totally fuckin bitchen!

    The funny thing is, although this new language borrows heavily from surfspeak, (originates in California, God forbid?) the connection is not altogether a complete one. I asked a college kid if he had ever heard of "getting a scarf," and he had absolutely no idea of what I could possibly be saying.

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  4. The future of slanglish is scary. How soon until we hear "hey dude, what's trending?"

    Have to admit all I know about "scarf" is something we don't need in Florida, even in winter -- or possibly an old bit of slang for eating quickly as in "I scarfed down that hot dog." Sure that's a verb but such distinctions don't matter any more as "language has to change" you know -- at least until we can't actually talk any more and all conversation gives way to grunts and gestures. What will we call the end of English: the Epicolypse? The Awesummation? Damned if I know how to hashtagit.

    Had a conversation about "epic fail" yesterday, asking if he didn't mean epic failure. All I got was a strange look, but I get a lot of them, being as un-hip as I am. Same thing happens when asking why it's uncool to say "ingenius" for something that is the product of genius. I've even had the audacity to ask what the word "ass" adds to bad and why bad ass is different than bad which also means good. Worse means more intensely bad but badder is better.

    Why don't we say worse ass for something more intensely bad ass? Would badder ass be more appropriate or would it be baddassier? What could worst ass possibly mean? Inquiring minds want to know or do we say "quiring minds" nowadays. I'm so confused but the answer would be awesome ass for sure.

    Why is nothing good ass? If something can be big ass why not little ass? And what is the difference between big and big ass anyway? I guess sometimes an ass isn't an ass and sometimes it is. It's a big ass question, but the answer may be bitchin', gear, dope, awesomepic or something even less comprehensible no matter how I effort.

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  5. Nouns used as verbs ie "impact" is what gets to me. Or as adjectives. Crap is not an adjective but a verb or a noun. And at the top of my overused incorrectly words are "infrastructure", "algorithm" . "Narrative" is also becoming trite as is "going forward."

    Badassiest.

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    1. "And at the top of my overused incorrectly words are"

      Um - shouldn't that be "at the top of my list of incorrectly and overused words. . .?"

      There's a name for making grammatical, spelling and syntax errors while complaining about such things by others. Sorry I can't remember it. Impact is the new "selfie" We're too much in love with it and it will continue to grow as we get impactify and impactful and have to seek new words for collision.

      I have no problem with infrastructure because underlayment and supporting structure are clumsier. Who cares about Al Gore and his rhythms? No seriously it goes back to al-Khwārizmī, the purported inventor of algebra and is an essential term. You derive numbers like Pi using an algorithm. If you use the calculator on your phone, it's called a cellphgorithm.

      Sorry, none of these terms can compare to the sheer idiocy of "trending" for what's being twittered about or efforting for attempting to find.

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