How the Dark Side of Supply Side Unleashed the Zombie Apocalypse

The giant sucking sound came without warning, the sound of 1,400 jobs moving from Indianapolis, Indiana, to Mexico. “We recognize the impact on employees, their families, and the community,” announced the president of Carrier Corporation, the HVAC Division of United Technologies.

“Yeah, [expletive deleted],” an angry voice shot across the room.  Following three consecutive years of record earnings, plus a $12 billion stock buyback, the layoff was a shock, an act of betrayal. The giant sucking sound hardly made the evening news; but we hear it everyday in communities across America:

“Monday, Monday, so good to me;

Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be.”

The kids, the car, the home, how will you pay bills without a job and keep your family afloat?  Desperate to find work, any work, part-time or full time, neighbors put off weekend chores to Monday.  Why Monday but no other day of the week, you ask?  Sometimes it just turns out that way.

Job or no job, good lawn mowers make good neighbors.  Cutting grass keeps up appearances and keeps peace in the neighborhood. Witness this exchange of greetings when neighbor meets neighbor at the mailbox:

“Good morning, Mr. Briggs. How are you today?”

“Mighty fine, Mr. Stratton. And yourself?”

How and when our fortunes changed is a tale of greed and deception run amuck. It started years ago when corporations and their political slush funds, also known as PACs, won the right to be treated as real people with full rights of personhood.

Suddenly, Lampposts, Manholes, and Utility Poles United sprang to life with special powers and privileges. Little did we know what was to be.

In short order, Manholes lobbied for tax cuts. As job creators, they claimed, tax cuts for Manholes would promote investment, economic growth, and jobs for everyone. No doubt, those tax cuts made Manholes rich; but no job falling into an open manhole has ever been seen again.

Tax cuts for Manholes have meant less revenue for our town.  To cover years of shortfalls and deficits, Lampposts in league with Utility Poles told the town council to cut services, slash payroll, and raise property taxes (which forced Mr. Briggs to sell his beloved home).

Years ago, when a Lamppost burned out, a service truck came to the neighborhood and replaced a bulb. This year, they say: “Buy your own bulb and replace it yourself.” Last year, Lampposts traded in their service truck for a Lexus. This year, they’re driving a Rolls Royce (and still demand a raise, a bonus, and more tax cuts).

Zombies United turned neighbor against neighbor. Manholes and Utility Poles persuaded the homeowners on Magnolia to scorn the homeowners on Dogwood — especially those who don’t look like, talk like, or vote like "their kind of people.”  Our once tranquil community, now divided in acrimony, no longer finds common ground to unite in common cause.

Legal but non-living persons now rule the neighborhood.  They failed to create a single job but reserve the right to shine flashlights in our bedroom windows at night.  These days, Lampposts wield more power and influence than real citizens whose votes no longer count.

Meanwhile, weeds have grown taller than utility poles, and ’for sale’ signs litter the neighborhood.  Enough, we say!  Forget the Lampposts, Manholes, and Utility Poles.  Forget those broken-down, trickle-down blues.  How I yearn for the smell of fresh cut grass, E Pluribus Unum, and friendly neighbors exchanging friendly greetings at the mailbox again.

“Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be.

Oh, Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me?”

This ends our tale of how the American Dream left the station, leaving our middle class behind.  Reminder: Tuesday is the day we bring our trash to the curb … and head to the polls.