Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Golden Showergate

The news this morning is full of prostitutes, urine and Trump.
The story began making the rounds at Washington dinner parties late last summer: Donald Trump had been caught in a compromising sexual position by Russian intelligence agents during a business trip to Moscow. According to one version, told by a high-ranking Obama administration diplomat, Russian intelligence services, acting on Trump’s well-known obsession with sex, had arranged an evening for him with a bevy of hookers, with hidden cameras and microphones recording all the action. The jaw-dropping detail that topped the story? Trump had somehow engaged in “golden showers,” sex acts involving urine.
Now, the guy getting blackmailed by Russia says it's all a lie. And the country doing the blackmailing says it's all a lie. Of course, the intelligence report says otherwise, but it's become obvious that Donald Trump doesn't use intelligence.

I feel I should point out that there's nothing in the Constitution requiring a compromised president to step down: I mean, a man with principles would, but I think we've established pretty clearly that the GOP didn't elect one of those.

Think about it for a second: if Donald Trump steps down in the face of these golden shower allegations, his brand is dead. He's spent his entire life selling himself. Building up his name as a symbol of wealth and privilege. And if he just admits it's true, he just pisses all that away.

So Trump's going to try and brazen this out, which will just precipitate a constitutional crisis further down the road. Remember that Russia's goal for decades has been to damage the credibility of the United States, in order to increase their own. So now, whatever Russia has will be slowly leaked out, a little bit at a time, by a giggling Vladimir Putin.

What happens now? Well, if the President steps down before taking his oath of office, nothing says that the Vice President-elect gets to take over. By definition, the Vice President was not the person elected President. Ironically, Trump's beauty contest has a clearer plan of succession for a situation like this than the US Constitution.
If the winner, for any reason, cannot fulfill her duties as Miss Universe, the 1st runner-up takes over.
All this time, we thought Trump's weird orange skin was due to cheap bronzer, not to the fact that Russian prostitutes don't hydrate properly.

It's weird that the White House staff now has to study up on removing urine stains. But this whole thing has brought a new light to that infamous solid gold toilet that Trump has.

All this kind of explains that pissy look on Trump's face all the time. Do you think anybody ever be willing to shake Trump's hand from now on? I'm betting that sales of hand sanitizer in DC are going to go through the roof.

So, it's time to start a new birther theory: Donald Trump has always claimed to have been born in Queens. But it looks now like he might have been closer to Flushing.

6 comments:

  1. Well I scanned all 32 pages. Most of them chronicle the hope or apparent failure of sabotage well before the election. Why couldn't the Russkies make the millenials hate Hillary?

    Apparently other sectors and demographics of our society are not quite as sharp.

    I hope I didn't get any viruses. I need my little laptop!

    Fucking laugh riot! If nothing else, it provides some much needed comic relief.

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  2. It's fake news according to the Right. A hoax started by someone on 4chan. Jumping on this before it's been vetted makes the Left look bad; having criticized the Right for believing fake news. I'm going to monitor this story for awhile before I decide if there is any truth here or not.

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  3. As the world laughs. At the American electorate.

    If Trump were forced to step down wouldn't to be poetic justice?

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  4. Oh, I have no doubt it's fake. But what it is, is comedy gold.

    There's one thing Trump hates - to be laughed at. (Side note: please note that he never laughs himself. Not a sign of a healthy psyche.) So the thought that other people might think he indulges in a weird form of sexplay? Well, that just gets right under his (fore)skin.

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  5. I don't know.... The timeline of 4chan trolling the Republican strategist doesn't work, and he has publicly released any journalists he allegedly talked to from confidentiality. Also, the author of the dossier is a highly regarded and experienced intelligence operative who went to ground when his identity was revealed. The trouble is, even if only half is true, which half is it?

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  6. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. Trump opened that door long ago.

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