No! I am not Lord Cthulhu, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant mollusk, a hammed up clam,
To advance progress, eat a crab or two,
Evince a wince, no doubt, or play the fool,
Existential, unessential, easy to confuse,
Full of pretense, a silly catawampous;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous –
But always your intrepid Octopus.