In applying an arbitrary standard to voter eligibility, what Robert is really saying is this: “Let me decide.” Fair enough! If he wants to assign himself this role, he should understand that “two can play this game.” So let us judge Robert by his own standards and determine whether or not he should have the right to vote.
Here is the gist of a conversation I had with Robert earlier this week:
Robert: I belong to the crowd that doesn't want everyone to vote.I have extended an invitation to Robert to visit our humble shores and take our voter eligibility test. That is why I prevail upon you, my fellow creatures of the deep and pilots of the waves. What would you ask Robert to determine his eligibility to vote?
(O)CT(O)PUS: Lucky for the rest of us, there are laws to protect us from people like you.
Robert: I wouldn't deny anyone the right, of course, but Saturday elections would mean that many people who have such apathy to the process that they wouldn't vote during the week would cast votes on Saturday.
(O)CT(O)PUS: And who are you to make this judgment? Who are you to decide when one votes or who gets the right to vote? By this definition, you would disenfranchise anyone at the drop of a hat for failing to meet any narrow-minded criteria you can think of.
Robert: It is sad that so many people are uninformed on issues.
(O)CT(O)PUS: Like you! By this standard, you should not have the right to vote either. What makes you think your opinion or your vote is more worthy than mine or the next person. Do you think you are smarter than me? Or more educated than me? Or more democracy-worthy than me? Or more entitled than me? Obviously you have no concept of equal rights, equal protection, and equal access under Law.
Robert: I think that half the people who vote now would do us all a favor by staying at home.
(O)CT(O)PUS: Then do us a favor and stay home yourself. For someone who claims to value liberty and freedom, you have a damn strange concept of what these mean. Or are you one of George Orwell's … pigs who would have our Constitution restated to mean: "Some animals are more equal than others." Damn, you are even worse than stupid!
My question for Robert begins with this 48-second segment from a Sarah Palin speech:
Fruit fly research does sound a bit silly … especially for the likes of Joe-Six-Pack and Joe-the-Plumber. But a recent study shows that “Drosophila” fruit flies have an abundance of neurexin, a protein essential for proper neurological function. This discovery has important applications in autism research.
Of course, everyone knows that Sarah Palin has a “special needs” child, and it would seem hypocritical of Petite Sarah to debunk this research. So here is my voter eligibility question for Robert: Read this paper and give us your opinion as to why funding for this research should be cut.
Next? My compatriots above and below the waves, can you think of any voter eligibility questions you would like to ask Robert, the Conservative?
