By Octopus
Among all life forms known on this planet, there is no limit to the limitless decadence and moral depravity of human beings. It is no longer enough to enslave dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, and goldfish as pets for self-amusement. Now these upright-walking, downright loathsome bipeds are plotting the abduction of my friends, the jellyfish, as trinkets to display on every desktop:
One especially fiendish biped has invented a way to keep jellyfish in small aquariums next to your iFAD without sucking them into the water filter intake. Most cruel and diabolical of all, circulating water will confine my friends to the middle of the tank ... consigning them to a lifetime circus performance with no breaks, no benefits, and no collective bargaining rights.
Octopus is appealing for your help. If you have biped friends with a pulsating invertebrate fetish, tell them to get a goddamn lava lamp instead. Better yet, tell your biped friends to bag one of these …
