The Right's Doublethink

One unexpected side effect of the Internet was, not the unprecedented access to information available to the public, but the widespread propagation of openly ignorant, easily debunked bullshit. The easy availability of knowledge has been balanced by easy availability of conspiracy theories, lies, and unintentional errors. Add to that the unprecedented ability to cherry-pick preferred oversimplified answers to complex situations, and one thing becomes obvious.

Despite the potential inherent in what evolved from the ARPANET, it has become apparent to those of us who think about stuff that we've actually entered the Misinformation Age.

For example, today’s front page story on that flaming stack of ignorance and mendacity calling itself Conservapedia is a fascinating story called “Atheism and obesity,” where they determine that, apparently, if you don’t believe in God, He makes you fat (as you could probably tell from the title, but I thought I’d spell it out for you).

The crux of this theory (so to speak) is a Gallup poll, which reached the conclusion (repeated in the first line of the Conservapedia story):

Very religious Americans are more likely to practice healthy behaviors than those who are moderately religious or nonreligious.

Now, I could get all statistical and point out that a poll measures how people answer questions, not how they behave. And religious people are more prone to guilt, so wouldn’t they be more likely to lie when answering questions like “Do you do things you aren’t supposed to?”

But that would be the easy answer. (Plus, some actual atheists, as opposed to one nameless doubting agnostic, are cheerfully ripping this one apart.)

Instead, let me point out that, two weeks after the Gallup poll was released, we hear from New York that 1300 people are now in danger of contracting Hepatitis A, because they all took drinks from the same communion chalice. And remember, very religious Americans practice healthy behaviors. Like sucking down the backwash of other diseased Catholics.

Should I point out that they’re all at risk because they came in contact with the blood of Christ? Has He been shooting up with dirty needles again? Or should I just move on, since it's probably endangering your immortal soul to be taking religious advice from people with the balls to rewrite the "inalterable Word of God"?

Maybe the easiest answer is to show the following two maps? First, this.



See that? That shows how religious Christians claim to be, in various parts of the country. The greener, the Godlier, right? OK, then. Now check this out.



Now, that one shows the distribution of weight, per capita, in these United States. The more red, the more rotund.

See how the dark green and the dark red tend to match up? It’s kind of like Christmas, isn’t it? I guess you can’t spell faith without F - A - T.

Not a new thought to me, by the way. We already knew this; it's one of those pesky "fact" things that the GOP is so desperate to rewrite.

Tennessee Tea

Some people might give them credit for never giving up and of course, like congenital stupidity and genital herpes, the Republicans never really go away.

Yesterday's e-mail viral outbreak flared up with another version of a letter excoriating Barack Obama for such inexcusable acts of treason as not placing a flower at the World Trade Center crater with a sensitive enough wrist action and of course referencing that old groaner, the photo of him singing without his hand on his heart. Both these things and more, insisted the weeping and wailing writer are proof of his Christian hating Islamic faith and his mission to destroy all that is held dear by the pretend conservatives who hang upside down in belfries and eat bugs.

Not that such people actually write these things. Virtually all of the phony celebrity letters libeling and threatening Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton and the Obama family are written by the same, easily recognizable hand, although the attributions change from day to day. The faux outrage and breast beating pretend patriotism are always the same.

The letter I got was attributed to Sherry Hackett, the wife of the famous and raunchy comedian although she didn't write it nor likely did the others it's been "from" in the last 6 months. The person who forwarded it to me was crying for our country or so she says. Actually I think she welcomes any scurrilous and seditious screed that oozes from the Republican cesspool. I think it just hasn't sunk in that far from shoving things down America's throat, democracy has shoved change down theirs.

The desperation seems to call for deliberate denialism and cultivated delusion. If Obama takes off his shoes, that means he's a Muslim and not a Christian was a sentiment presented by a small townTennessee Tea Party organizer along with a picture of a shoeless president. Frankly I wish he were, but even so, it's a statement that could only be applauded by people not likely to be found at a Mensa meeting unless they're simply dishonest exploiters of the traditionally stupid.

For a group whose meetings sometimes draw dozens of people, God willin' and the creek don't rise, it can't be hard to avoid the leaders knowing that it's a tiny minority cult representing a fringe Right element, yet their solution to the problems posed by an electorate that emphatically rejected the Right in the last election is to go further right. The Washington Post quoted David Nance, the founder of the Gibson County Patriots, in Jackson, Tenn as saying

"This effort is to try to get the Republican Party to try to give us more conservative candidates"

and he believes it's working, yet his choice of Stephen Fincher, gospel singer and cotton farmer from Frog Jump, Tennessee for the State's 8th Congressional District seems to have little to do with stated Tea Party goals of reducing the cost of government and eliminating "entitlements" what with Fincher raking in a cool, conservative $200,000.00 per annum in farm subsidies and being financed by others riding the same gravy train. He's pulled down over $2.5 million since 1995. Of course that' just all tea in the harbor and doesn't seem to matter as much as the president with his shoes off or the stories about flag pins and tardy salutes, a too small flag on his campaign jet and the laying down of a flower at the WTC with insufficient wrist action as discussed in the letter Sherry Hackett didn't write.

The shame of it all really is that Barack Obama, with his continuing support of some unpopular Republican policies may be too conservative for Liberals and perhaps even for some centrists while this collection of Beverly Hillbillies wants to tell us he's a Muslim version of Pol Pot while selling a faux populist version of Corporatism.

It's more of a shame we don't seem to have any genuine conservative opinion worth reading these days, and of course if we'd had it earlier, we might not have needed it so badly now.

Resistance is NOT Futile - Though it May Seem So

Arguing with conservatives (usually republicans, but also a few straying democrats) is most often tantamount to talking to a wall. A very TALL wall. A tall CONCRETE wall that echoes back to oneself what one is saying. A tall, concrete wall that is, thus, incapable of absorbing sound – or anything intelligible.

In other words – arguing with conservatives AND ESPECIALLY the conservative media and its hacks is like arguing with THE BORG or the walls of one of their cubes. (Yes, the Borg of Star Trek fame.)

The Borg are infamous for being an impenetrable group – a group of beings aligned mentally by collective thought that is programmed into their brains via a central computer nervous system that does their thinking for them. A group of brainwashed beings from other worlds that have been assimilated into a collective hive that is hell bent on growing ever bigger by assimilating yet more weaker beings. And they WILL succeed. Why? Because . . .

When the Borg chant incessantly to their prey “Resistance is futile. You WILL be assimilated” – they are not belligerent. They are not argumentative. They are not surly. They are not even determined. All of these qualities would imply that they had hearts. Souls. Individuality of thought. They don’t have any of these things. When they utter their dire words they are simply stating facts as they know them. End of argument. In fact, there is no argument to begin with. Resistance in any form, such as argument, is futile. They are stronger. You aren’t.

Unless, that is, you are a member of the crew under either Captain Jean-Luc Picard or Captain Katherine Janeway. Then you might have a fighting chance.

Now where am I headed with this? Jean-Luc once found himself up against The Borg. He resisted. It was futile.

He was assimilated.

For a time.

Now Jean-Luc is a Captain of the Federation which is part of the United Federation of Planets. The Federation is a really hip, liberal-minded group of folks who, after countless years of useless warring both at home and abroad (ahem – cough - that would be us now), have come together with other species and planets to strive to create a peaceful universe within which they can all comfortably live as they individually see fit while honoring both their differences and their opposing cultural values. Yes – somehow the peace-nik earthlings and the grumpy Klingons and brainy Vulcans and wily Romulans and brutal Cardasians and greedy Ferengi etc etc etc etc etc etc manage to live at peace (or a close proximity thereof – depending on that pesky neutral zone . . . but I digress . . .)

Anyway – my point is – that this hippy dippy tree-hugging peace-signing, no doubt all organic, smiling group of politically liberal thinkers (esp those federation folk with their prime directive) find themselves up against THE BORG – a group of mindless drones to whom they can not talk. With whom they can not reason. THE BORG represent everything The Federation and the United Federation of Planets isn’t.

After all – how can one possible argue with a collective that is so technologically powerful and advanced that they can soar through space faster than any other species in a SQUARE space ship!! The arrogance!! It ain't even remotely aerodynamic!!! While silly humans such as Jean Luc are raised to think of the putting of square pegs in round holes as the stuff of children’s folly – there are then the arrogant as all hell Borg who defy the laws of aerodynamics and build square pegs that sail effortlessly through space. The nerve!

When Jean-Luc is assimilated and his crew must fight to retrieve his mind from the collective clutches of the Borg drones – it becomes the ultimate fight between individuality of thought and collective mindlessness. The ultimate showdown between liberal-mindedness and closed-mindedness. The power of those of closed, controlled minds – The Borg – is awesome. Frightening. Intimidating. But eventually – Jean-Luc – the poster-boy for liberal thought, for open-mindedness – wins.

Years later Captain Katherine Janeway will fight her own battle of wits with The Borg – and survive – but just barely. And let us not forget Seven of Nine - the former Borg turned Federation citizen. Yes, the tide can turn.

Yes, THE BORG will terrify the Federation and its allies for generations. They will assimilate many for whom resistance was futile. But they are NOT always successful. Resistance, then, it would seem, is not futile. As long as a few escape collective brainwashing – there is hope. THE BORG may always be “on message.” They may always chant the party line. They are the ultimate, loyal foot-soldiers. But they are NOT always successful. They may adapt easily to suit each new form of resistance. They may seem invulnerable. But they are not.

We are up against a conservative media blitz and mind-control effort that has been going full steam ahead ever since Bill Clinton dared to take office. It gloated during the Bush years. Now its furor has increased since Obama dared to take office. It is getting shriller. It is beginning to all sound the same. It is so sanctimoniously certain that it is right and that it will assimilate those still astray into its way of thinking. It seems to grow more powerful every day.

BUT! Remember Jean-Luc, Katherine and Seven of Nine – resistance is not futile. And even great big square things that may seem like impenetrable walls aren’t.

At least I hope not