KLEINKARIERTE BEAMTEN

Ev'ry morning, ev'ry evening, ain't we got fun?
Not much money, oh but honey, ain't we got fun?
The rent's unpaid dear, we haven't a car;
But anyway, dear, we'll stay as we are.

In the winter, in the summer, don't we have fun?
Times are glum and getting glummer, still we have fun.
There's nothing surer: the rich get rich and the poor get children.
In the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun?

I hope you enjoyed today’s Gatsby moment. Catchy, isn't it?

For the past three hours, I've been trying to access the Congressional House website to find out who voted for and against the bailout, but my browser returned these error messages: “Cannot open page” and “Server dropped connection.” Figures! But didn't we know this already. How unconnected and inattentive our server has been to the needs of users? Good, browser. Keep trying, browser. Fetch, browser.

My thought was this: Find out how many Congressional egos passed through the eye of a needle and under the Bridge to No-Where. Find out who put party, ideology, and partisanship before citizens. Find out who wiped out the annuities, pensions, and portfolios of tens of millions of Americans in a single “Nay” as $1.2 trillion in assets evaporated on Wall Street within hours. And find out why, when I put my ATM card into a cash machine tomorrow, a tongue sticks out and gives me raspberries. Then, once I find out who these ingrates are, I intend to bomb the hell out of them with e-mail and hate mail that falls just short of jail-mail. In other words, give them a piece of my mind.

By all accounts, the bailout stinks to high heaven, but the point is not about retribution for those who caused the meltdown or about the excesses of laissez faire capitalism but about protecting millions of innocent people caught up and hurt by it. In other words, when a car hits a pedestrian, do you call an ambulance first or do you lynch the driver before giving first aid to the victim?

During the 1990s, Japan and Sweden experienced a similar crisis: Excessive lending > institutional collapse > fears of economic meltdown > massive bailout. However, their respective outcomes differed. In the case of Sweden, fast and decisive intervention by the government saved the day. Sweden spent billions on blanket guarantees for creditors and depositors. Bipartisan support and transparency was key to winning public support.

In Japan, when real estate values plunged and borrowers were unable to pay their debt, the government dithered and forced banks to write off bad debts. Government intervention did not occur until 5 years later, and the Japanese economy sank into a no-growth period now known as the “lost decade.” Lesson: Japan waited too long.

That is why I intend to stay up all night until the server responds, find out who are these culprits, and post their names right here at the Swash Zone. If so inclined, please feel free to take out your aggressions on them, no holds barred.