Thursday, March 4, 2010

Stoning the Orca

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes."

-Thomas Jefferson to Alexander von Humboldt, Dec. 6, 1813.

It was inevitable, since after all, this incomprehensibly huge and ancient universe exists only to provide a place in which God can test the mindless obedience to a farrago of meaningless and often contradictory rules of the sentient apes whose existence spans an infinitesimal part of the space time continuum -- anything that happens must be seen in the context of peremptory power and abject submission to the words of ancient men who went their whole, ignorant, bug-infested lives without soap. Or so saith the AFA.

A captive 6 ton top predator, by following its possibly God given instincts to grab and kill any smaller animal at water's edge was God's way of testing his demand that an Ox who gores a man must be stoned. That's right, the sad death of Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau was God's punishment to "the west" for the very concept of animal rights and her death a test to see if we'd follow the commands of ancient, flea bitten, psychotics. By not "stoning" the Orca, it's only going to get worse. God will have his Oxen (and Orcas) stoned even if the hirsute brutes he chose to write down his words never heard of such an animal.

Have I been listening to too many paranoid schizophrenics at Nurse Ratched's cuckoo's nest? No, just the perennial font of psychotic idiocy called the American Family Association.
"Chalk another death up to animal rights insanity and to the ongoing failure of the West to take counsel on practical matters from the Scripture," wrote Bryan Fischer, at the AFA's official blog. “When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable.”

Do you think that if I stampeded some Oxen through their offices and gored the living shit out of Fischer and his batshit crew of straight-jacket candidates, the AFA would find me liable and sue me? I think so too but I would truly love to try it. After all, I could easily cite the 613 Biblical Commandments, 600 of which they routinely ignore, such as the "abominations" of the cheeseburger or using cotton thread to sew your linen clothes or turning on the lights on Friday night. A good goring and stoning would only be God's work, dontcha think? The work of that smelly, sociopathic little God who lives in some dank invisible basement in some invisible world and tortures animals for fun.

There is no place in a sane and decent society for these sick bastards and the curious selection of perverted bronze age superstitions they'd like to replace our laws with. The Bible, or whatever dubiously assembled antique political documents they'd like to tell us is the backbone of existence and the source of all goodness, is simply not compatible with decency, truth, freedom and the safety of humans beings or their families. Freedom from being ruled by its self appointed priesthood has been the long struggle of our kind and I will not have it snatched from us after two centuries of secular Democracy by these evil men.

"for I have sworn upon the altar of god, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man," said Jefferson.
Yes, me too!


  1. If we fail to properly educate the masses, this unfortunate mentality will grow. Hard to believe anyone in this day and age could be so incredibly superstitious and ignorant.

  2. The operative words of the scripture here are "but the owner shall not be liable." What was written down as a sensible limitation on blame (you cannot blame Sea World for the orca's behavior) has been turned on its head by idiots with legalistic ideas about scripture. It's precisely what Jesus meant when he said there would those who called him "Lord, Lord" that he would never recognize.

  3. I'm 100% sure Jesus would not recognize Christianity as having anything to do with what he was about.

  4. It is written in the Dino-Bible (TM) that offending stegosaurs are to be publicly stoned (and then eaten, if it happens to be dinner-time). So I guess I'd better hold my tongue on this one....

    Didn't they used to whip law-breaking hogs during the Middle Ages? No doubt they had it coming....

  5. But on a more serious note, the beautiful thing about the critters is that they are INNOCENT. By comparison with us, even the most cunning big cat is essentially guileless. The eagle and the shark intend no harm, which is more than I can say for our murderous, thieving ilk. Reading a bit of Wordsworth or Shelley really ought to cure these morons of their delusions. "To a Sky-Lark," anyone?

  6. How do you stone a stegosaur? or an orca for that matter but either is more likely to read Shelly than is someone from the AFA. I think I'm safe in assuming there aren't a lot of readers in that group.

    I'd like to ask why they're not protesting Spanish style bullfighting since even if someone or some horse is gored by a fighting bull, the meat still gets eaten, but inconsistent positions don't seem to bother these folks and besides it's far away and in another country.

  7. The purpose of stoning is torture. Yes, you kill the animal, but it will be a slow, painful death delivered by many blows designed to relieve the stoners of their sadistic urges and inflicting the maximum pain on the animal without getting the killers' hands dirty. Sick idiots.

    (I'm getting ill while typing this.)

  8. You know, when they start going off like this, it's hard to imagine what they're thinking - what, exactly, is the audience for this kind of crazy? People who have tripped and fallen into bathtub meth lab? People with ice picks lodged in their colons? Who is that violently psychotic? It's not just that people say these things, it's that (presumably, in theory) there are people who are listening and nodding, "yes, yes, stone the Orca! Yes!"

    As a side note, the line describing the writers of the bible as "ancient fleabitten psychopaths" was just perfection. I've always felt that one of their major problems back in that day was that the must have itched -- everywhere -- constantly -- and had rashes in places and sand in the rashes -- it almost explains the stuff they wrote. Almost.

  9. I think soap was unknown to most of them and water was, after all, rather scarce. . . .

    Everyone had lice and I'm sure that no matter how holy were the prophets, it was best to stand upwind.


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