Saturday, May 14, 2011

I am not an animal

By Capt. Fogg

Said the elephant man, and we know what he meant, but of course if we divide all living things between, viruses, plants, bacteria and so on, you'll find that humans, or most of us anyway, are animals. There was no point in our evolution when we suddenly broke the connection with our past and became something other - we're just big brained apes.

Big brained apes who like sex however, should stay out of Florida says Southern Fried Science with tongue firmly implanted in Southern cheek, since the language of Florida's latest legislative idiocy Law that outlaws sex with or the enjoyment of watching the sexual activities of animals, would outlaw sex between human animals -- as well as watching porn, human or animal -- unless you're a veterinarian or horse breeder of course, in which case, saddle up!

"An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices"

Ok, ok, I'm stretching the point, since Florida law does distinguish between human and non human animals and since this one doesn't use the word "person," that Spring Break escapade in Daytona isn't necessarily going to get you locked up, but of course in the Bible belt, evolution never happened in the first place, we're not animals but animated mud and so no foul here. Sorry to have bothered you.


  1. "...we're not animals but animated mud..."

    Dear gawd! Then this HAS to be the filthiest song in the American songbook:

    "It's a Treat to Beat Your Feet in the Mississippi Mud"

  2. Captain, I am pleased to hear that Floridians, especially those few left of reproductive age, will be banned from engaging in sexual activities.

    About time.

    The fewer we have of the people who voted Rick Scott to governorship, the better.

  3. As Subcomandante Saurus and Dear Leader of the Revolutionary Dinosaur Liberation Front, I might as well go on record as firmly suggesting that humans should cease procreating, clean up their mess, and make eventual way for the Return of the Terrible Lizards. I'm pretty sure Tolstoy would back me up on that, at least the part about people not generating their ilk anymore. I don't know what he thought about the dinosaurs....

  4. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. In 100,000 years from now, my kind will be farm-raising human beings.

  5. So the gubbermint will not release bin Laden’s death photos (thanks be to Allah), but maybe the gubbermint could at least release this: Pornography Found in Bin Laden Computer Files.

  6. There's a consistent Leitmotif playing behind the anti-pornography diatribes of the far right. It's theme music from porn flicks -- and OBL was no further to Starboard on the subject than many anti-pornography Ayatollahs in the US. I'll bet Ken Starr has a library and the public lives of some of them are pornography.

    Makes me suspect that the man was more of a politician than anything else because he'll say anything to rally the faithful against his enemies that will increase his power and no matter if he actually believes it. Allah alone knows what he really thought about anything.


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