How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news
Isaiah 57:12
Isaiah 57:12
I can understand what it's like to be given a last minute reprieve. After a week spent with tubes and machines and embarrassing hospital gowns -- after being probed and scanned and punctured and pestered for days, the message came down that apparently, there's nothing really wrong and I could go home.
Being hospitalized, of course, gives one time and a reason to contemplate matters of life and its inevitable end and when it comes to hospitals and jails and other places of misery, it seems there are those good folks wandering about that would like very much indeed to offer one the comforts of their beliefs. Being all but trussed up like a sacrificial lamb and being fairly certain that the Mayans would have to hold their apocalypse without me, perhaps one can forgive me for being disinclined to being sociable to salesmen, for such I do see them. Yes I loathe having myths and ludicrous beliefs being sold to me as though I were some primitive, but it also seems like a hell of an ugly thing to go out rudely and in an undignified fashion by being nasty to them. The nearness of death, that great equalizer, should really teach a bit of compassion -- and so it does.
The first gentleman in a bright blue volunteer blazer identified himself as a chaplain and looking at his clipboard, he seemed puzzled that I had answered "none" to the question of religious preference.
" No, I don't have one," I said. " I don't prefer one over the next."
"Well that's OK, said he. "But if there's anything you need, you can call on me." Thank you very much," I answered, meaning it.The following day, a woman perhaps a few years older than I am arrived with the same clipboard and heavenly blue jacket.
"I'm not religious," I replied to the same question.
"So does that mean you don't believe in God?"
"It means I don't feel any reason to believe in gods or souls. I'm just not religious."
"Neither was Jesus," she responded, sensing an opening.
"OK, fine"She seemed perturbed.
"You know Jesus wasn't religious either"I said, being as terse as possible and not wanting to get drawn into the programmed dialog she's been trained to draw me into as though I couldn't lecture her for days on Jewish messianic movements, I retreated into my Kindle and ignored her as she went on about peace and how she had it and how we all needed it and she of course had it from Jesus. Any sarcasm would of course been lost and a bit out of place anyway and eventually she left with an odd expression that must have been the result of some inner peace that surpasseth all endurance, especially mine.
"I can understand that"
The next day, awaiting with some trepidation the results of a CT scan, a pair of Baptist chaplains approached the man in the next bed, behind a curtain who thanked them politely but as a Roman Catholic felt he needs better served elsewhere.
"Well all right." They said cheerfully. "We hope everything works out well for you."Approaching me next, the elderly, black (about my age) woman in the chaplain coat looked at her clip board.
"It says you don't have a religion but I thought maybe you could use a smile."
"You know, I really, absolutely, could and that's the best one I've seen in a long time. Thank you!"And thus is the light spread. Stepping out into the afternoon sun and sea wind, it was as though everything was new.
Thus is the light of your virtue still on its way, even when its work is done. Be it forgotten and dead, still its ray of light lives and travels. That your virtue is your Self, and not an outward thing, a skin, or a cloak: that is the truth from the basis of your souls, you virtuous ones!
-Friedrich Nietzsche-
-Friedrich Nietzsche-
I don't recall what had been written on the hospital admission form when I was hospitalized last year for 23 days culminating in heart valve replacement surgery. My wife probably did the paperwork. But though I saw various chaplains about the hospital, none ever spoke with me, not even in passing. But then I am fortunate to live in the Pacific Northwest where evangelicalism is relegated to the backwaters here.
ReplyDeleteOne minister performed some kind of rite to my hospital roommate once; I overheard it all and found it mildly amusing.
Instead a family friend offered to have me wear an amulet she believed had healing powers. I declined; later terming the incident "the temptation of the Skeptic". I instead placed my fate (trust, not faith) in the statistical probabilities that it was somewhat more likely that I would survive than die... but then at the time I was so sick I really didn't care which way it went, I only wanted the suffering to end either way.
I'm kind of sorry some preacher didn't engage me while in the hospital... it would have added some interest to a horrible experience.
Captain, I'm glad that you have been cleared for landing by the hospital. I find this post spiritually invigorating. You express very well that a rich spiritual life is not dependent on having a religious belief in a higher power.
ReplyDeleteI believe in humanity as a higher power. As Nietzsche said, it's not something you put on or carry with you, but more like something we take off, remove or cast aside that stands between us. It's that old ape-curse of tribalism most of us never know how to get rid of that keeps us at odds with each other. And she did have a sincere smile.
ReplyDeleteSo salespersons walk the wards like wheat in search of souls to harvest. With clipboards in hand (and access to hospital admittance records, no doubt). May we suppose religious denominations compete in the marketplace of fearful people staring into the abyss and sold as brand name merchandise? Does the hospital receive a commission on every redemption?
ReplyDeleteFeel better, Captain.
Capt - I'm very happy to hear that rumors of your impending demise have been greatly exaggerated! :) Feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a long time since I have had to be hospitalized and I do not recall much religious fervor while there. But there was an incident in a nursing home I was working at several years ago now - I worked the hospice wing so we were always dealing with people dying. One guy in particular; an ornery atheist who was very unhappy and I imagine a little frightened at the prospect of dying. The rest of the staff was afraid of him because this is the South and they had not a clue how to deal with a blustering dying man. I took care of him, talked to him a little bit when he wanted to talk and tried to make him comfortable. In his final days, as he struggled in and out of consciousness, one of the staff confided in me that they went in his room and witnessed to him in an effort to get him to proclaim Jesus and save his soul. All I could do was turn around and tell her,"The man is an atheist, while I'm sure YOU now feel better, you did nothing for him." I spent the last hour of his life holding his hand and telling him everyhting would be all right becuase what else do you say to someone who is dying?
Captain,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you're out of the hospital -- it's a great place to get really sick, I hear. But I'm surprised that no be-tailed-and-pin-feathered evangelist with clipboard dropped by to put in a word for the healing grace of the Dinosaur Gods Who Dwell in Perpetual Ease upon Sacred Mount Gondwana. Perhaps you missed the persnickety little procompsognathid who often performs that function?
They flock around "souls" like vultures around the dying. I can't avoid the comparison. Dying can be no worse than going under an anesthetic. There's nothing to worry about there, but for the few people deluded enough to care about me and who depend on me, I had to worry about their feelings.
ReplyDelete"the persnickety little procompsognathid "
Is that what that thing was? You know we have so many lizards in Florida I don't notice them much any more. Anyway, I hope he wasn't insulted because one doesn't want to irritate the Dinosaur Gods. I suppose I'll have to sacrifice something just to cover my mammalian behind. Do they have a taste for roasted Republicans?
Capt., good news that you're out of hospital and doing well. I went through the same routine when I was hospitalized twice. I have no religion, and yet, each day I was in hospital, someone--and they were all friendly and kind--came to ask if I needed them. I politely told them I had no religious affiliation and thanked them very much for their concern.
ReplyDeleteThis is a difficult time for people in our demographic, it's part of ageing and we just have to hold on and get through it.
There are times I wish I still believed what I believed as a child, but I left that behind many, many years ago. I face the inevitable and I can deal with it.
I hope all is well and that you will continue to enjoy good health.
I don't know how well I'm doing, but any health is better than none. It's just amazing how you can go from perfect health to illness in a matter of hours.
ReplyDeleteCarpe diem - before it carpes you!
Wishing you well Capt. Been there and as you say any health is superior to no health.
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