BREAKING NEWS: Obama's Nobel Peace Prize Is a Mistake!

We have a BREAKING NEWS update: an anonymous source from Oslo contacted us with earth-shattering news: announcing Obama as this year's Peace Prize winner was premature and an unfortunate mistake.

It turns out the real winner was Jesus Christ from Jerusalem, a long-time community organizer and religious leader. The news has not yet been officially released, with the exception of an unsourced, so far, leak to The Ga-Ga Land Dispatch.

TGGLD reporters have the latest reactions of The Ga-Ga Land most eminent citizens to this explosive story:

Rush Limbaugh: "Something has happened here that we all agree with the Taliban and Iran about and that is he doesn't deserve the award. This fully exposes the illusion that is Jesus Christ. And with this 'award' the elites of the world are urging Christ, THE MAN OF PEACE, to not do the surge in Afghanistan, not take action against Iran and its nuclear program and to basically continue his intentions to emasculate the world and the United States... They love a weakened, neutered U.S and this is their way of promoting that concept. I think God has a great sense of humor, too. Not to mention he is obviously partial to his only son." Limbaugh also told Newsweek that "the Nobel gang just suicide-bombed themselves."

"I did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota," wrote Erick Erickson, of the site RedState.com, "but that is the only thing I can think of for this news. Obviously they chose the Jew here to make a political statement."

"Jesus Christ isn't the first minority to win the Nobel Peace Prize, but he's the first to win it without having accomplished anything," wrote John Miller, of the National Review. "Christ's award is simply the projection of wishful thinking."

Indeed, the citizens of The Ga-Ga Land started an online petition just seconds after the announcement was made, objecting to the "absurd decision to award J. Christ Nobel Peace Prize."

"I predict right now that he will find a way to basically turn it down," Time Magazine's Mark Halperin told MSNBC's Morning Joe. "I think he is going to say, I share this with the world or whatever. I don't think he'll embrace this. Because there is no upside. He is the son of God -- does he really need a Nobel Prize?"

Bill Kristol suggests that Jesus Christ will be kicked out in 2012, based on the fact that the Soviet Union collapsed a year after Mikhail Gorbachev won a Nobel Peace Prize.

A prominent member of The Ga-Ga Land elite, Glenn Beck, says Christ doesn't deserve the prize, but the Tea Party protesters do. He credited an "extraordinarily powerful global progressive network for bagging Jesus the win," and added, "for Christ's sake, I hope he rejects this phony award and gives it to me."

National Review's Andy McCarthy says the prize is already damaged goods, because Yasser Arafat once won it, and so did the hopeless pinko Jimmy Carter.

Joe Schmoe, a president of the local Chamber of Commerce in Ga-Ga City was somewhat less critical: "I, for one, am glad that Jesus Christ won instead of Obama. A Nobel Peace Prize for Obama would be a joke. C'mon, the guy has two wars going, and today he bombed the Moon! Peace, my (expletive)."

An anonymous source from the White House said that upon hearing the breaking news, President Obama sighed and muttered, Thank you, Jesus!

H/t HuffPo

Cross-posted at The Middle of Nowhere (where else?)

THE NOBEL LITERATURE PRIZE

This is a quick post to honor Herta Mueller, who just won the 2009 Nobel Prize in literature announced today. She is a member of Romania's ethnic German minority who was persecuted by the Ceausescu regime for her critical depictions of life behind the Iron Curtain. Peter Englund, spokesperson for the Swedish Academy, said this about her work:

"At the same time she has something to tell, partly from her own background as a persecuted dissident in Romania, but also her own background as a stranger in her own country, a stranger to the political regime, a stranger to the majority language, and a stranger to her own family," he added.

What especially caught my attention was this back story swirling around Horace Engdahl, Englund’s predecessor, who told the AP last year that "Europe still is the center of the literary world" and the quality of U.S. writing was dragged down because authors were "too sensitive to trends in their own mass culture."

A curious statement indeed, one I would NOT dismiss casually. My only reservation surrounding Engdahl’s remark is: Why mass culture? It seems Vladimir Nabokov profited from our adolescent reveries in his finest tribute to America, Lolita. These days, maybe what holds us back is the anti-arts, anti-science, and anti-intellectual rabble who have turned our fair land into a cultural wilderness. Maybe Mr. Engdahl has the right idea but merely misses the mark.