I mean, sure, you could point out that Grandma is the perfect Republican, and was just trying to prevent the socialist redistribution of bacon, but you'd be stretching the point somewhat. And, besides, BACON!!!
Granny Busted For Bacon Beef With Grandson, 9I believe "bogarting the meat" was just legalized in New York and New Hampshire, along with gay marriage.
Cops: Suspect, 64, thought boy bogarted the meat
JUNE 30--Angered that her grandson ate too much bacon at breakfast, a 63-year-old woman chased the boy out of her Pennsylvania home and pinned him down on the front lawn, where she blasted him in the face with a garden hose, police allege.Yes, you read that correctly. Let me emphasize a few points here.
Angered that her grandson ate too much bacon at breakfast - perhaps she was just looking after the child's welfare? We do have a nation of obese children, after all... no, never mind. I'm pretty sure "altruism" isn't a factor in this story.
a 63-year-old woman - people keep using the phrase "old enough to know better" as if it made any damned sense at all.
Marilee Ann Kolynych was busted Tuesday evening on endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct charges. Her grandson, 9, was not injured during the attack.See? Nobody got hurt. Just a little family fun.
In a Clifton Heights Police Department report, Officer James Press noted that the child "stated that he had been getting tortured by his grandmother…all day for an incident that took place during breakfast."You know, sometimes kids act up, and you just have to take a stand.
According to Press, the matter involved the child consuming more bacon than anyone else, which angered Kolynych.Somehow, we seem to have gotten back to the "proper nutrition" argument.
A witness told Press that Kolynych chased her grandson around the yard before throwing him to the ground and "sitting on top of him beating him on his legs and spraying water at very close range into (the boy's) face."At the same time? Grandma's got skills! Plus, I could swear that I already mentioned that discipline is important, didn't I?
The child told cops that "the nozzle setting was on full blast."Well, the little bastard probably never brushes his teeth.
"Your honor, I continue to dispute the 'child abuse' portion of the charges! After all, the prosecuting attorney has already admitted to having a Waterpik® at home, and forcing his children to use it!"
The child eventually broke free and "ran across the street, using a neighbor’s phone to call his mother, who was in the basement while the incident was taking place out front."Now, please note that the news report does not say "hiding in the basement." That's an unreasonable and unfair interpretation, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking it.
Even after the boy’s mother arrived outside, a witness reported, Kolynych continued to chase after the child.Well, if Mom's not going to take a stand, somebody has to.
By the way.
Not involved.
Nameless,
ReplyDeleteAs for being 63 and should-oughting to know better, well, I'm with Oscar Wilde's character Lord Henry Wotton: "Experience is the name men give to their mistakes." Apparently, that applies to grannies too. Sounds like she graduated from the W.C. Fields Academy of Parenting....
"Are we goin' ta California, Pa?"
"Shut up! (Moves to backhand annoying child)"
How much bacon was involved!?
ReplyDeleteI like it that a 63 year old woman was able to run around and clock a 9 year old bacon eating kid! - Charlene
This post brought up a troubling question for me: If "I can't believe it's not butter" isn't butter - what is it?
ReplyDeleteYup. She's got some grand parenting skills, right there.
ReplyDeleteRobert:
Mostly vegetable oil and water, with a little buttermilk, followed by a dash of other goo.
I mean, you asked...
Sigh... What is wrong people? What is wrong with our social services depts that leave these kids in such a place? If you are concerned the kid is too fat why the hell are you serving bacon? I raised four sons and, to be sure, I was tough on them. I spanked, rarely and judiciously and with a wooden spoon. 3 wacks was the limit. I never used spanking as a punishment - punishments were no TV, no playing with friends, etc. Spanking was a correction, reserved for the most dangerous or ornerous breaches of the rules.
ReplyDeleteFood was NEVER a point of contention - the table rules were: wash up before a meal,elbows off the table, yes, you must use your utensils unless the food is generally eaten with your fingers, no you cannot shoot peas out of your nose, if you can't finish or you don't like a food DO NOT feed it to the dog under the table, take only the amount of food that will reasonably fit on your plate, you must wait 5 mins before getting seconds so that firsts can register in your brain. If you are full, excuse yourself and go play, if you are not, take only enough food that will reasonably fit on your plate...
Children aren't born knowing how to eat healthy and what is good food - these are things we teach them. I find kids will usually emulate the adults in the home so gotta wonder how THEY eat at the table!
Although aspects of this story are funny for their total ridiculousness, I am deeply disturbed by the adult's behavior and the level of abuse the 9 year old has had to endure. The really unsettling statement is that grandma had been "torturing him" over the bacon since morning giving rise to the question, how long was this going on before grandma got her real mad on and attacked?
Grandma needs some serious, in patient, anger management!
no you cannot shoot peas out of your nose
ReplyDeleteWell, geez! What are you, a fascist?
I recall reading an article by a "nutritionist" way back when, who claimed that children will "naturally eat healthy! They'll eat what their body wants, and..." ...and she kept blathering for an entire book (maybe more, I don't know).
I wonder how many over-conciliatory parents ruined kids based on her ideas?
It's a relief to have a story that isn't political, terrifying (unless you're the kid) or dishonest on this Fourth of July weekend. Thanks for the mundane and 'much ado about nothing' kind of story. I had to laugh when I thought of Granny chasing a 9 year old. I couldn't keep up with a crawling infant so Granny must be pretty young.
ReplyDeleteI suppose if it's deemed child abuse it IS about something, but, come on, maybe Granny had it up to her eyebrows with the kid's disobedience long before the gluttony took place and that was the final straw.
Let me hasten to add, I do not believe in physically punishing children and Granny over-reacted big time. An adult sitting on a child is pretty severe and water boarding him on top of that was way too much. However, 'time out' probably wouldn't work and she did make the kid lose a few ounces running around the yard. ;-)
Plus, you know... BACON!!
ReplyDeleteOnce suspects granny's got "issues".
ReplyDeleteI mean, seriously. If you feel the need to physically discipline a 9-year-old, I don't agree with the concept but the consequence should be brief, to the point, indoors and soon done with. Chasing the kid around as per the story is at best ineffectual and more likely a chase of granny acting out some deeper mental issue.
If the child is such a persistent offender that the aforementioned brief penalty is ineffective, the solution is simple: don't serve more bacon than you want eaten.
Adults are supposed to be smarter than kids. Beating up kids doesn't change that.
---
Although to be fair ... it *is* BACON!!!!!!
Funny how we still trust that a news story has any relationship to reality. Who knows what happened or what the kid really or had been doing for 9 years?
ReplyDeleteBut 63 is too old? 63 makes you stupid and irrelevant and funny and untrustworthy and demented and unable to run? Pardon me while I laugh.
And as long as we're being deeply disturbed at what probably didn't happen that way and while young, hip women are getting away with murdering their offspring, let's not fail to note that dismissing mature people by calling them "granny" would, in my houshold, require better running skills than most of you possess, unless of course you happen to be one of three small boys from Chicago. Yes, we're taught that people at peak spending age are the only relevent people, the hip people, the people in the know. We burn this incense to avoid the smell of the bullshit.
Extremely funny post anyway, but let's not grind our axes on it. And there's nothing wrong with bacon, are we clear on that?