By Octopus
I have often wondered where John F. Kennedy cribbed the phrase, “ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country.”
Researching the Internet yesterday for a clue, I finally located a source: Huitzilopochtli (plus a curious codicil from House Republicans, Eric Cantor and Ron Paul).
If you want to serve your country and heed the call of Cantor and Paul - which means pull the plug on FEMA, emancipate seniors from Social Security slavery, cast out MediScare, and gut food safety regulations - please note: Human sacrifice is pleasing to Huitzilopochtli.
No money for disaster relief? No problem! Let hurricanes drown all deadbeats on the Federal dole. Distribute emergency food to the hungry? Let them eat brioche! Only 28,000 hospitalizations and 3,000 deaths from tainted food each year? Save money with salmonella!
With fewer folks making demands on the gubbermint, more supplies will surely trickle down to the rest of us. After all, human sacrifice is pleasing to Huitzilopochtli.
How many sacrificial human beings will it take to balance the budget? To reach a savings of $2.7 trillion, a mere 100 sacrificial billionaires will suffice - compared to 163,279,483 middle-class Amerikaners. But everyone knows billionaires have no hearts worthy of sacrifice, which is not pleasing to Huitzilopochtli.
Huitzilopochtli will be counting on us to do our civic duty. So ask not what House Republicans can do for you - ask what you can do for House Republicans.
Say what? And I've been sacrificing children to Tlaloc all this time for nothing?
ReplyDeleteHe promised me so much. I feel so used...
Nameless,
ReplyDeleteThen you'll just have to settle on Ron Paul. I promise you: He will not disappoint.
"Compassionate Conservatism" (the ultimate oxymoron) is a death sentence for most older Americans unless they're rich. I have no idea what the answer is except voting the bums out.
ReplyDeleteKay,
ReplyDeleteOf course those conservatives are "compassionate." They have our best interests at heart (which is an essential part of ritual sacrifice from what I understand). They are merely trying to put us out of our misery, or as Alan Grayson said: "Die quickly!"
Damn decent of them!
Voting the bums out would require more power than the individual voters have. Money not only talks but money votes and as long as the idiots outnumber the intelligent and informed: as long as money can supercharge the power of those idiots, we have no democracy and I'm not sure we ever have had. We never fully rid ourselves of Feudalism and the big money has been pretty good at telling enough people that it is on their side since we became One Nation, under Mammon.
ReplyDeleteOf course all of this is moot -- or mute, as the local Solons spell it when they write to the editor. It's all going to end a year from this coming December. That's unless you join my cult, that is, but more on that later.
ReplyDeleteSuffice it to say, I've brokered a special deal with Cisin, the Mayan Death God and my cult members will be able to bypass the whole messy affair, for a fee, that is. Cisin, called "the flatulent one" among the Yucatec and Lakondon Maya, will preside over the destruction of all things of course, and to quote from the New Testament of the Popol Vuh:
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but a fart.
So give the Captain all your stuff
And you won't have to play a part.
I mean it's going to be very, very unpleasant, folks.
Captain,
ReplyDeleteGiven House Republican preoccupations with all things under the belt – abortion, birth control, sexual behavior, flatulence, sanitation and the lack thereof – they deserve to be renamed. Instead of the GOP (Grand Old Party), all things considered, perhaps it is fitting and proper to call them TARP – short for The Anal Retentive Party.
Nothing like reading an article on human sacrifice to really suck the joy out of your evening.
ReplyDeleteRegrettably, far too many of the potential sacrificial victims continue to cooperate with their own sacrifice. The current priests wielding their obsidian blades were granted their power by voters.
You're far too polite, Octo. Mayan priest/kings actually did some very painful, unmentionable and bloody things to themselves to keep on the good side of their gods.Tea-rublicans wouldn't spend five cents to save a starving child to keep on the good side of their nasty, stingy little blood-sucking idols and they don't have the honesty to do their dirty work in public. Patriotism is all about ME and concern for Americans is COMMUNISM!
ReplyDeleteThere has been some dispute as to whether the Aztec and Mayan sacrificial victims went willingly for the most part, but what puzzles me is that the desire to keep Social Security and Medicare is as nearly unanimous as we ever get in this sad and backward nation -- yet listen to the local crackers, Listen to the local elite, listen to the news and you'd think there was a "debate" and it could go either way.
Actually my attitude toward human sacrifice has a lot to do with who the victims are. But how do you cut the hearts out of Teabaggers? with a tweezers?
ReplyDelete