By (O)CT(O)PUS
All men may soon be required to report their orgasms to law enforcement, according to new legislation proposed by A.L.I.C.E., a women’s advocacy group. The reason is because male sexual behavior has been linked to an alarming rise in violent crime against women, and officials must be empowered to act. Crimes like forcible rape, indecent exposure, offensive facial humiliation, and discriminatory new legislation sponsored by jerk-off Republicans. If male lawmakers reserve the right to investigate female sexuality for any alleged crime, then women deserve an equal opportunity under law to investigate men, according to an A.L.I.C.E. spokesperson. Here is a case in point:
Virginia’s newly nominated candidate for state attorney general, Senator Mark Obenshain (R), introduced a fetal death bill that requires women to report any miscarriage or stillbirth to police within 24 hours or risk imprisonment.
Obershain’s bill was motivated by the case of Nina Buckhalter, a woman who tested positive for methamphetamine use after giving birth to a stillborn infant. A Mississippi grand jury indicted Buckhalter for manslaughter, claiming she killed her baby due to “culpable negligence.”
Virginia Attorney General and candidate for governor, Kenneth Cuccinelli (R), co-sponsored a fetal personhood bill that confers the right to life “vested in each born and preborn [sic] human being from the moment of inception.”
According to abortion rights advocates, if states are allowed to jail women for stillbirths and miscarriages, fetal personhood laws will serve as a pretext for banning abortion and contraception.
Furthermore, over zealous prosecutors may persecute women for any alleged lapse in pre-natal care - alcohol consumption, smoking, excessive exercise, failure to follow medical advice, or simply having a bad attitude (although the donor of her hapless haploids may drink to excess in the privacy of his castle until stumble-down drunk - with impunity.)
In concept, fetal death and fetal personhood bills deprive women of their own legal personhood, since these laws confer a special status to the fetus at the expense of the mother. That is why it is important to level the playing field by placing all male sexual behavior under similar scrutiny. Pending legislation proposed by A.L.I.C.E. will grant new powers of law enforcement, including the right to conduct a mandatory cystoscopic exam through the barrel of a Bushmaster performed by a female urologist with an itchy trigger finger.
Next story: Bush League Republicans play baseball with flaccid bats.
hmmmmmm..... so .... if I had a vasectomy...who do I report to? See, if vasectomies are outlawed... then only outlaws will have vasectomies. I mean, in the old days, I had a high velocity, thirty round magazine...but with all the violence and stuff, I got my gun fixed.
ReplyDeletePersonally.... I am tired of stupid. I am tired of Republicans passing, or threatening to pass, laws in areas that they know nothing about. I wish they would stick with legal, constitutional issues, but I guess that would be another area they know nothing about.
too early for a beer...... but this info is a good reason for one .... just a bit later.
" I am tired of stupid"
DeleteDitto
You can haz their manquipment when you can pry it from their cold, dead...wait, never mind.
ReplyDeleteEeeeeew -- I didn't need that image rattling around my brain this morning
DeleteYes, Virginia, there is a Sperm-A-Clause.
ReplyDeleteIn 1953, a woman gave birth to a brain-dead infant. Miracle of miracles, the infant survived and his name is ... (click here).
ReplyDeleteGood ole L.G., certainly 99 cents short of a dollar bill. Or put another way the elevator doesn't reach the top floor.
DeleteGomer is simply defending his faith by trying to avoid the question of whether a cell that hasn't grown a brain contains a soul. If it doesn't, making its termination free from moral constraints, you'd have to conclude that the soul resides only in a brain and then you'd have to ask if the brain had only one cell at the time whether it would be large enough to contain it and wouldn't require a quantity of cells and then you'd have to question, if the answer were yes, just how many cells were needed and whether they needed to be functioning. Does a soul go to heaven and then have to come back if one is in a coma? Questions, questions.
DeletePerhaps that soul went straight to God at the moment of conception because after all, God must know in advance -- couldn't be otherwise if you're going to call him God, but then it would be OK to abort it but Abortion is murder so there you have doctrine choking on its own conclusions again. Don't ask, don't think.
It's bad enough to ask whether a brain dead adult has as soul any more, having fled to the happy tent meeting in the sky or if a brain impaired person has lost a part of his soul because questions require one to invent an ever growing tangle of cover stories to glue this preposterous fiction together, Occam be damned.
Tiny minds need to be sure and that's why we have faith and why faith hates facts and the people who prefer them. Sooner or later the faithful have to run out of that sticky stuff needed to paste together the contradictions and they'll need to revert to the rack and hot poker stuff because faith will not be denied, you know.
This is the kind of jerk-off male narrow-mindedness that breaks my heart and makes me angry:
ReplyDelete“Beatriz, who uses a pseudonym to protect her identity, is 24 weeks pregnant and the mother of a 1-year old son. Doctors determined in her first trimester that neither she nor her fetus were likely to survive the pregnancy. Her medical conditions [note: she suffers from lupus and a life-threatening kidney disease] make it very dangerous for her to be pregnant, and her fetus has anencephaly, a severe birth defect that prevents its brain from fully forming.
Beatriz's hospital asked permission from the authorities more than 10 weeks ago to perform the procedure, because abortion is a punishable crime for both women and doctors in El Salvador …
Health Minister María Isabel Rodríguez wrote a letter to the Salvadoran Supreme Court last month in which she described the gravity of Beatriz’s health situation. "It is necessary to undertake a medical-legal approach urgently," she wrote. But the Supreme Court took over a month to make its decision and then denied the hospital permission to perform the abortion. Many believe the ruling is a death sentence for Beatriz” (full story here).