Thursday, December 12, 2013

Paranoia, Inc.

If you've read this blog over the years you know I'm always griping about the "changes" occurring in my favorite language and I'm sorry but the "language has to change" argument misses my point. "Yes everything has to change but that's hardly a defense of sabotage, ignorance and malicious marketing schemes.

Sure it's usually some phrase like "We're efforting the details" or "here's a genius new technique."  It may be nothing more than some bozo saying "snap" over and over again as though he were selling Rice Crispies and couldn't remember the rest of the slogan. But these things things are probably no more than symptoms of a population in transition from thinking citizens to consumers and the products of American education trying to put a gloss of sorts on weak vocabulary and make up for confusion with jargon.  Worse things are happening.

Pernicious hipness is one thing, but for many Americans the fact that "patriot" now primarily means you think the President, the government and the "takers" are plotting to kill us all, that the nuclear attack from North Korea is imminent and inevitable and that the big question for the future is whether or not Obama will catastrophically destroy the economy first.  Yes, Patriots know all about the mass graves being prepared, the secret laws enabling  millions of us to be rounded up and incarcerated or worse.  Patriots know that before long, when the food stamps and Social Security payments stop, the armed mobs will be breaking down your doors, emptying your refrigerator and raping wives, daughters and grandaughters while you watch.  Patriots know that unless you fortify, arm and provision yourself today, the Liberals, Koreans, Obamaheads and the poor are gonna getcha.

How do I know this?  For some reason I attract salesmen. Every fear peddler on earth has my e-mail address and I suspect that if you ever bought hunting equipment or even fishing gear from a catalog, or searched for a crossbow or a gun cleaning kit on the internet, you're on a list too, the internet being a far more effective and perhaps intrusive method of surveillance and intelligence gathering than the NSA could ever cook up on their own.  Order some gizmo for your boat and be deluged with adds for boating gear on every web page you open up for weeks.  Somewhere, somehow, someone has me listed as a PATRIOT.

FEMA plans for massive depopulation, it screams.

FEMA Banned This Video...
First off.
If you care about your safety...
Stop what you're doing.
And watch this video with the door shut.

I wish this was a joke.
Unfortunately it isn't.
It's deadly serious.
I'm sending this to all my friends, family and patriot brothers...
As quickly as I can...
Because it's the ONLY video I've seen that reveals the lethal "December surprise" nobody is talking about...

The "December surprise" is bigger and far more dangerous than Sandy could have ever been.
And it's headed to YOUR neighborhood...
WAY faster than you think.

The chilling speaker on the video (my new favorite patriot) going to give you the 3 practical steps you need to take TODAY...
To make it out alive and well...
This is the big one folks.
Don't take this lightly..
The "December surprise" has already begun in certain parts of the country.
And it's about to make Hurricane Sandy look like a six year old flower girl.
Your fellow Patriot,
Jason Richards
P.S. Do both Obama and Romney know ALL about this, but are SWORN to secrecy...?
 Read it and weep.

If you truly are a "Patriot" of course you won't be bothered that FEMA did not, has not, could not ban this video or any other video.  Patriots just know and never mind that this is a rerun of something that firswt ran over a year ago and that the author predicts the utter collapse of civilization by 2013. Never mind that the narrator is the same one selling a book that promises to make you irresistible to women if you know the three secret questions to ask them -- Patriots just know it's all true and only Patriots like Bubba and Bevis will survive to lead us all into the future.


  1. The squirrels in my neighborhood are way too smart to fall for a scam like this; but …

    I know some right-wingers who hang out at Shaw’s place who would make perfect sucker bait. Bilk them, milk them for every penny they have.

    How much commission are they paying?


    Send for my new book NOW before FEMA shuts off the internet and closes the roads and takes over the banks and the Winn-Dixie runs out of Budweiser!!

    Order today Patriots -- for only $29.95 and before the Mexican Marines invade Washington and the Canadians make us pay for their health care. Order now before that Allah lovin' Obama declares marshal law and sets up an Al Qaeda camp in your doublewide!

    My new book will show you how to make your car run on goat piss for when the Muslims raise the price of gas to a million bucks a gallon and how to fold an origami bazooka for when that Kenyan Kommie Muslim apologizer grabs your AK!

    Don't let that December surprise surprise you (in April because that's how sneaky they are) my Patriot brothers. The sky is falling and so is the economy what with the Takers and the tax and spenders, bleeding heart Libtards and Bible Bashing, climate changing Obama-caring traitors looking to sell us to China and make the dollar into toilet paper. How are you gonna explain it to your family after they load you into those FEMA trucks if you thought 30 bucks was just too much to save them?

    But wait there's more!

    For only ten bucks more (plus $950 shipping and handling) you'll get my new pamphlet about making your underwear bulletproof and what you can do before FEMA bulldozes your entire town into mass graves and so certain am I of your gullibility the first 3,956 subscribers will get a free white sheet that makes them invisible to black people.

    Shut the door, hide under the bed, pull down the shades and don't tell anyone you're ordering my doomsday survival guide before Obama makes it illegal and the FEMA SWAT team comes down the chimney and rapes your poodle and confiscates your Christmas tree!

    RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! but first click here and give me your credit card number, your bank routing number, Social Security number, street address and date of birth -- NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!

  3. Saw it in my e-mail inbox. Read teaser. Laughed. Deleted without opening.

    I suppose this means I've lost my "Patriot in Good Standing" ranking.

    1. Could be. To these guys, patriotism seems to be measured in rounds, not by how much you care about the country, so maybe you have enough ammunition to qualify.

  4. "I wish this was a joke."

    Oh I wish it were a joke, too.

  5. For all right-wing complaints about welfare cheats, moochers, and the nanny state, many of these selfsame folks are on the margins of society - refusing to accept responsibility for their own failings in life. Consider this definition of reaction formation: When a person cannot come to terms with life's wounds or their own failings, the tendency is to project their own ugly bits onto others, thus absolving themselves of all responsibility. Hence the constant drumbeat of anger, vituperation and delusional thinking heaped upon imagined enemies.

    Collectively, they act as a cult in search of mutual validation. That's all they have going for themselves - nothing more – and there is nothing anyone can say to them.

    Notwithstanding their use of defense mechanisms raised to the level of social pathology, I can’t imagine certain right-wing bloggers such as the Always Hyper-Vigilant Vigilante surviving without Medicare, or the caricature known as Fishe Stinke pulsing pizzicato without his monthly Social Security check.

    Yup, socialist, marxist, fabian, nanny state, blah, blah blah ...

    1. Yes, cult is juste the mot, as the Commies say in France and the anti-government, every man an army of one dogma is defended with the same ferocity as any other cult. No one outside the cult can be trusted not to be a Communist and a Communist is simply anyone who questions. As with many religions, if it doesn't work, if the maxims aren't true, if the predictions don't come true, why then the problem is with the faith of the believer not being strong enough.

    2. A few words about ugly and bigoted commentary inside The Cult.

      One blogger, whom I call Wayward Loon or ‘Waylon’ for short, makes frequent reference to The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, an anti-Semitic forgery of unknown origin and the great-grand daddy of all conspiracy theories. Of course, it only seems natural that purveyors of contemporary conspiracy theories would embrace this document as a model for appealing to a wider audience of fellow loons.

      The Protocols were invoked by the Nazis to persecute the Jews and justify the Holocaust – and it is the same fraudulent missive often quoted on American radio by the infamous Nazi sympathizer, Father Coughlin.

      Please note: Cultists often use the words ‘Communist,’ Marxist,’ ‘Progressive’ and ‘Jew’ interchangeably, preferring use of the former words as a cover to avoid accusations of being called an anti-Semite. But make no mistake: The Cult is anti-Semitic to the core …

      … and racist too. Wayward Loon is a frequent commenter at the weblog of Fishe Stinke, who said some months ago (link October 15, 2013 at 8:39 AM)):


      Thanks to the Immigration Act of 1965 -- a deliberate ploy designed to gain permanent incumbency for the Marxicrats [notice the standby for that dreaded J-word] -- we've been plagued with the ominous guarantee of a non-white majority in the near future.

      This country was conceived, designed and developed by WHITE, PROTESTANT CHRISTIAN MEN and their wives ;-) [my bold].

      As long as we stuck to THEIR concepts and abided by THER ideals, we did very well. Once the "Progressives" won a large share of public confidence, we've been plunged into incessant turmoil, and a long series of costly battles, and an enormous increase in Self-Pity along with an increasingly gasping "Entitlement Mentality." Coincidentally, the national IQ has been dropping like a stone ever since

      Yet, according to the twisted logic of The Cult, racism is somehow not akin to white supremacy. Go figure!

      Conversing with hardcore bigots is a fool’s mission, and there is a huge difference between ‘partisan outreach’ versus ‘reckless enabling.’

    3. Oh, I know all about the Protocols, in fact I have a copy in English printed by some "Christian" Group out in California, probably in the 1950's. A story I heard is that it is a rewrite of a book intended to blame the Jews for the revolutionary movement in Russia around 1900 and was exposed as a hoax long before it became the darling of anti-Semites everywhere, from Adolph Hitler to Father Coughlin. I hear it is popular in the Middle East even now. For people looking for a universal scapegoat, it's just the thing and shows how people can't resist believing utter horseshit if it props up their bigotry, hatred and assorted idiotic notions. Birthers, Tea Partooties, Ancient Alien believers and the like need the paranoia to survive. As humans, that tendency seems to be bred in the bone. Those without bones of course are exempt.

      White supremacy, for instance, seems to help people with two digit IQ's feel superior to their smarter counterparts and the more knowledgeable folks, people who might actually have read the words of the Constitution writers and the philosophers they followed. It appeals to people who would rather believe they'd be wildly prosperous but for those, (fill in the blank) than that they struggle for other, less flattering reasons. If all you've got to brag about is the color of your skin, the word pathetic really is inadequate, isn't it?

      Being an idiot myself, (because arguing with such people is indeed idiotic) I once came across a conversation at a skinhead site bashing Charles Krauthammer for being a Jew. I have no idea if that's true, but their "Proof" was that, according to them the name means someone who hammers the Krauts. I was foolish enough to reply that perhaps such proof is a bit weak considering that the Germans do not call themselves Krauts, that the verb hammer is spelled differently -- that Jews don't necessarily hate Germans, that people don't generally invent surnames for such purposes and that the existence of a German town called Krautheim, and a number of people named Krautheimer after it might indicate that Krauthammer is a dialect variation or merely an Ellis Island transliteration.

      I'm not stupid enough or masochistic enough to have gone back to see the results, but you're right. Very right. You can't embarrass them, enlighten them, educate them or persuade them and it's illegal to drag them by the heels behind pickup trucks through the back roads of Florida.

  6. Disconcerting, the way word meanings change. The old guy who left his arm on Peleliu is now a moocher and whiner while the overweight guy on disability who chairs the local Tea Party is
    a patriot.

    1. The do call themselves patriots, don't they. If you remember the Bizarro World comics, it's a place where everything is it's own opposite, just like America, but less confusing. Worship the flag but despise the government and you're a 'patriot.' Hate democracy, love the rule of the few, the elite and you're a patriot. Hate everything but guns and you're a patriot.

  7. I had forgotten Bizarro World, thanks for the reminder Captain. I've been searching for an apt shorthand to describe these "patriots." Calling them mad or idiots seems insulting to the legitimately mentally ill.

    1. Wayward Anglo Saxon Perspective (WASP) works for me Sheria.

    2. Whoever dreamed up the comic books must have read Orwell. War is peace, etc. Seems to be a common political tool. Heard a religious nut on the TV equate Santa and Satan because being an anagram it must be true, right? Same kind of logic. Same kind of logic that lets them call Obama a do-nothing emty suit and a tyrant at the same time. Patriot is one of those words that's been so beat up and distorted, it's all but useless. Maybe the point is to make it hard to say anything without saying it their way -- again like Orwell with Newspeak. Yes, language is changing but by design and the design is to delude, defraud and deceive.

  8. Most of the commenters here are as "looney" as those you criticize. Why not focus your attention on statistically significant issues, not the fringe? Otherwise, you appear to be fringe as well.

  9. Oh Ellen, really.

    If I didn't know you were joking I would think you were some sort of spammer, pimping some blog or another. I know that you know that things are only statistically significant in retrospect. In retrospect the way things are framed seems to tell us more about the story behind the story just as the way you frame this delicious morsel of wisdom tells us more about you than you know about yourself. Just what is "statistically significant" in your world this morning? You mother making you wear mittens? That arithmetic test you aren't prepared for?

    I know that you know that what seems significant to you is so highly personal and dependent on your own persuasions and self-appointed missions as to be utterly meaningless to anyone else and that you're just another nobody trying to get attention without having anything at all to say. Please move along, there's nothing here for you.


We welcome civil discourse from all people but express no obligation to allow contributors and readers to be trolled. Any comment that sinks to the level of bigotry, defamation, personal insults, off-topic rants, and profanity will be deleted without notice.