Armageddon is getting a bad rap these days, and perhaps it is time to stop the gratuitous and shameless stereotyping of all things apocalyptic. First, I should point out that the dictionary is wrong about the word as a singular entity in every instance and, if you don’t believe me, trying turning the word into a plural without getting a spelling error message in rude red underscore.
In fact, there is much diversity in the realm of Armageddon, whose inhabitants come in all shapes and sizes, all denominations, and all persuasions. There are Armageddons of the Earth by tremor and magma; Armageddons of the sky that rain meteors and boiled frogs; and Armageddons of the sea that emerge in the stealth of night leaving telltale footprints on the mind. There is the Armageddon of healthcare reform that will eat your baby and kill your grandmother; the Armageddon of imbedded microchips hidden under folds that go beep in the night; the Armageddon of socialism and the imagined specter of freedoms lost; and the Armageddons of war, famine, Swine flu, fast foods, soda pop, anorexic Barbie dolls, and rock-n-roll.
Shall we fear the dreaded Armageddon? It lives among us in our towns and villages. It fills church pews and the halls of Congress. Perhaps we should accept Armageddon as merely another force of nature that sends human lemmings over the cliff and helps restore the natural balance. Armageddon is plagiarism masquerading as hyperbole, and the night will always sweat with terror as before we rubbed shoulders with delusional nincompoops hearing voices in their heads.
Thank you, Octo, for finally speaking up in defense of the much maligned force of nature (or God; or Satan -- depending on your POV). A proper dose of Armageddon has never harmed anyone. (But do ask your doc if Armageddon is good for you.)
ReplyDeleteThere is probably a musical meme in there somewhere.
ReplyDelete"Hate your next-door-neighbour, but don't forget to say grace,
And you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend,
I must believe we're on the eve of Armageddon."
Rocky, that's priceless. (We should open a little theatre in our private Pad.)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Octo, who is that fourth adorable horseman -- famine?
The Three Horses of the Apocolypse and ?
ReplyDeleteAnd I tried the spell-check. No go.
The Three Horses of the Apocolypse and ?
ReplyDeleteTiny Tim?
"the night will always sweat with terror as before we rubbed shoulders with nincompoops."
ReplyDeleteAt least I only have two. Rubbing all eight would use up valuable time and there's none to waste.
I think that's Sancho Panza on the burro by the way.
Rocky,
ReplyDeleteThat song always makes me think of the muppets -- I think it's that I imagine the grumpy muppet "Bert" singing it, with that gravelly voice.
I think the little guy is cute...
ReplyDeleteHe kind of makes you want to say, "...bring it on...."
Octo: Perhaps we should accept Armageddon…
ReplyDeletePerhaps we could just forget it altogether and focus instead on positive, optimistic things! I’m tired of the hate and ugliness. I’d like some peace and harmony. Can I order that to go by chance?
"Can I order that to go by chance?"
ReplyDeleteI think it already went.
Pam,
ReplyDeleteHeck, good manners are five dollars a minute nowadays -- peace and harmony would be downright cost-prohibitive, I fear.
To my human friends: Your kind have been fruitful and multiplied far beyond the point of sustainability, and now there are far too many of you. Time is running out, and you have only two options left:
ReplyDelete1 – Armageddon or …
2 - Transform yourselves into another species.
Years ago, I made a moral choice and chose the latter option. I assure you: The process is easy and painless (nothing like a sex-change at all), and there are numerous role models from which to chose: Invertebrates, fish, birds, reptiles, small mammals … the choice is yours. I understand there is a job opening for an amphibian that can do voice-overs, and the Swash Zone can use a good barnacle.
Remember: A species change is the most sublime form of cross-dressing.
Tempting as your offer is, Octo, I'm afraid it still may not protect us from Armageddon.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of marketing our own brand of carbonated Sargasso Spring Water called, Bermuda Brine. Each bottle will have a picture of W.C. Fields on the label.
Octo, quite resourceful you are! And clever, too.
ReplyDeleteYou prove the wisdom of the old adage: When life gives you carbon, make carbonated water.