IS ROBERT ELIGIBLE TO VOTE? HELP WANTED.

I need your help to determine if Robert, the Conservative, is qualified to vote. It seems Robert has very strong opinions about who should have, or not have, the right to vote. He brings terms like “apathy” and “uninformed” into his discussion but fails to quantify what measures of “apathy” or “informed” should apply.

In applying an arbitrary standard to voter eligibility, what Robert is really saying is this: “Let me decide.” Fair enough! If he wants to assign himself this role, he should understand that “two can play this game.” So let us judge Robert by his own standards and determine whether or not he should have the right to vote.

Here is the gist of a conversation I had with Robert earlier this week:

Robert:  I belong to the crowd that doesn't want everyone to vote.

(O)CT(O)PUS:   Lucky for the rest of us, there are laws to protect us from people like you.

Robert:   I wouldn't deny anyone the right, of course, but Saturday elections would mean that many people who have such apathy to the process that they wouldn't vote during the week would cast votes on Saturday.

(O)CT(O)PUS:   And who are you to make this judgment? Who are you to decide when one votes or who gets the right to vote? By this definition, you would disenfranchise anyone at the drop of a hat for failing to meet any narrow-minded criteria you can think of.

Robert:   It is sad that so many people are uninformed on issues.

(O)CT(O)PUS:  Like you! By this standard, you should not have the right to vote either. What makes you think your opinion or your vote is more worthy than mine or the next person. Do you think you are smarter than me? Or more educated than me? Or more democracy-worthy than me? Or more entitled than me? Obviously you have no concept of equal rights, equal protection, and equal access under Law.

Robert:  I think that half the people who vote now would do us all a favor by staying at home.

(O)CT(O)PUS:  Then do us a favor and stay home yourself.  For someone who claims to value liberty and freedom, you have a damn strange concept of what these mean. Or are you one of George Orwell's … pigs who would have our Constitution restated to mean: "Some animals are more equal than others." Damn, you are even worse than stupid!

I have extended an invitation to Robert to visit our humble shores and take our voter eligibility test. That is why I prevail upon you, my fellow creatures of the deep and pilots of the waves. What would you ask Robert to determine his eligibility to vote?

My question for Robert begins with this 48-second segment from a Sarah Palin speech:



Fruit fly research does sound a bit silly … especially for the likes of Joe-Six-Pack and Joe-the-Plumber.  But a recent study shows that “Drosophila” fruit flies have an abundance of neurexin, a protein essential for proper neurological function.  This discovery has important applications in autism research.

Of course, everyone knows that Sarah Palin has a “special needs” child, and it would seem hypocritical of Petite Sarah to debunk this research. So here is my voter eligibility question for Robert: Read this paper and give us your opinion as to why funding for this research should be cut.

Next?  My compatriots above and below the waves, can you think of any voter eligibility questions you would like to ask Robert, the Conservative?

Palin Strikes Again, and Prop 8 in California

Don't have much energy just now since I am dealing with a cold, but this article contains quotations that positively cry out for mention: evidently, Governor Palin thinks people who criticize her are trampling on her constitutional right to talk foolishness. She really seems to have no idea what the First Amendment is for. She thinks it exists to prevent people from criticizing others--especially from saying mean things about her ignorant pronunciamentos. Well three more days of this gibberish, and then it's time for us to have our say. I already voted a while back.

Here in California, the only excitement, so far as I can tell, is about the gay-bashing Prop. 8, which designs to take away gay and lesbian couples' right to marry in the state. It appears, so far, to be headed for a narrow defeat, if the latest Field Poll is accurate--but the gap has closed significantly in recent weeks thanks to a slimy ad campaign (theme: them wicked homos is gonna teach homo-marriage in the schools and turn your kids into raging perverts), so it's not a sure bet either way. The "Yes on 8" campaign is better funded than the "No" campaign; I keep seeing annoying signs everywhere saying "protect marriage" and suchlike drivel. It seems to have had a strong effect on the numbers. But Barack is up over twenty points here.

Joe the Maoist

I picked up the clip below at A Silent Cacophony, one of my regular reads. Looking for Joe the Plumber in the crowd, John the Candidate tells the audience to stand up because they're all Joe the Plumber. I'm sure the man with umpteen houses and cars and a private jet wishes it were so. I'm sure the Man who has never had a private sector job, much less a blue collar trade, would like us to think of him as a man of the people, a Maoist hero.

The idea of the wise peasant, the log cabin born leader is nothing new and it's typically American, but it's also a central mythology of Marxism. We remember Mao Zedong's cultural revolution during which the professional, academic and educated classes were all but exterminated in favor of leadership by peasant farmers, coal miners and yes, plumbers. That one learns to swim by swimming was a Maoist cliche that implied that education was not only not necessary, but not desired. It took China a generation to begin to recover from the destruction.


The idea still lives here in America, despite our continuing obsession with Communism and Socialism. We still believe in the wise fool; in the wisdom of those untainted by information and intelligence and culture and we still believe in superstitious suspicion of all others. We still believe that Joe, whose name is Charles, and isn't a plumber and can't do basic arithmetic much less understand the tax codes, has the answers we need because he's one of us and not one of them. We're still yearning for the Worker's Paradise promised by Communism. We still admire Forrest Gump and marvel at his wisdom, but we still can't seem to differentiate between the people who exploit us by invoking our class identifications and snobberies and class prejudices, and people who actually serve our best interests. All we seem to see is the working class uniform and not the wolf wearing it.

Only in America would the accusation of Marxism arise from a plan to add 4% to the burden of the top 2% elite in the interest of recovering some of the debt we have incurred in making them rich. Only in America would the accusation of Socialism arise from restoring the top tax bracket we had under Reagan; the progressive structure advocated by Adam Smith and Teddy Roosevelt and that we have had during the most prosperous years of our history.

I could go on endlessly about the irony of invoking a worker's paradise and the bogeyman of Communism to sell economic feudalism, but odds are, if you've read this far, you don't need me to do that. It's the dumb people that can be fooled all of the time. It's Joe the Plumber and everyone who stood up when John the Rich Man asked them to who enjoy the flattery and the snobbery and the smug, stupid certainties sold to them by Sarah and the old man.

WELCOME EXPAT FROM YOUR "EEL" FRIENDS

Although still nursing a bug, I do not want to be remiss in welcoming ExpatBrian to The Swash Zone.  In fact I should take this opportunity to honor all the teachers among us:  Blogging Dino, ExpatBrian, Maleeper, and Squid who are clearly in the majority, which means true blue Fogg and your virus-ravaged and feckless 8pus will have to mind our peas and carrots and watch our language.

Expat is our ESL specialist.  It means he teaches “Engrish,” a dialect spoken by so many people around the world, it may someday become standard English.  Here are some examples of his accomprishments:

Happy handwashing day, our hands make crean today, with soapy!

When Sunny comes, can Money be far behind?

I doan udnelstand vi a “duck?”

Our hotel has comfortable beds and other athletic activities.

Mentalhealthprobrem?

We giff customers lowest possible price and service.

After the concert, there was hardly a dry seat in the house.

Olde Engrish proverb: Abstinence good only in moderation:

Engrish not spoken here:

So lets extend a warmy welcomeness to our new bee, ExpatBrian, who needs no introductionation. Preeze make self comfortable and peel at home.

You're no Maverick

John McCain, you're no Maverick and you're certainly not the original. In fact the original Mavericks are so disgusted with you, at least two of them say they'll shoot. . . . the TV if they see your face on it again.

The Real Mavericks in fact are Liberals with affiliations going back to FDR and the New Deal, not to George Bush and the shady deal.

But don't take my word for it:

Thoughts Inspired By Goddess Rachel Maddow

I have a crush – a serious crush – on Rachel Maddow of MSNBC. In fact, I have considered giving up blogging at Swashzone because of Maddow. I’ve been thinking – all I need to do everyday is post “See Rachel’s broadcast last night” & that pretty much sums up SQUID’s current view of the universe. And this from a woman (me) who complains frequently about the incessant hero-worship of Shakespeare (sorry Dino). So yes – I confess – I worship at the shrine of GODDESS MADDOW.

So tonight – my fav intellectual Rachel – used a football analogy. Simultaneously intelligent & hilarious. I laughed my head off. Feminist Rachel M. using a FOOTBALL metaphor – co-opting Americana’s classic archetypal reference to the Joe-Six-Pack American male (mercifully she did not acknowledge the J-6-pk tie in). What is more MALE than football? – according to media generated American ideology, that is. BUT – my dearest Rachel – brought the football metaphor to a whole new level – surpassing the tired old “Hail Mary” & infusing her metaphor with – well – intelligent campaign/political analysis. An analysis that compares the current campaign to the painful one of 4 years before. Very Clever - & informative. With little blue helmets vs little red helmets lined up on the field - should be a diagram in future American Civics textbooks. Anyone in doubt of the lay of the electoral land take note - Obama is winning the game in McCain’s end zone – state by state. (So much for CNN’s John King’s “magic blue/red computer board”)

Then R.M. interviewed Ed Rendell – quite a political character - gov. of battle-ground Pennsylvania. I’ve spent much of my life living in the now all important PA – I am personally familiar with many corners of the state. Let me tell you from experience – it is a skitso state politically. I lived there most of the time in its bible belt portion - during the days of Specter, Ridge & Santorum. But now Ed Rendell – colorful democrat from Philly – rules. Don’t get me wrong – I like Rendell. Somewhat of a live wire – but that’s precisely what PA needed to shake it up from its Santorum meltdown. Oi!!! I was frankly amazed to learn – when I had moved elsewhere – that he’d managed to win the governorship. PA is geographically a RED state. Oh yes it is. The BLUE hotspots are Philadelphia, Pittsburgh & Harrisburg. The rest? White – oh SO white – working class, small town, Christian-conservative America. And I’m NOT just talking about Amish & Mennonites. Oh - & lets not forget those “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” (i.e. cheap as hell) folks living in the burbs of these cities.

Not to slam PA or small town America – but food for thought - I have only once in my life seen – to my horror – a Klansmen in full white regalia & hood – in PA. A sight I will NEVER forget. AND!!! I saw said Klansmen early on a SUNDAY – hello church!! – morning. Whilst I was living in the BIBLE belt. No – racism is NOT strictly southern grown. My point is not to slur PA - but there are elements in now-all-important PA - like other parts of this country - that are incredibly narrow-minded & behind the times.

(AND - I like PA. Really. It's my second home.)

To get my rambling back on track – unlike CNN - which has been concertedly ignoring the rest of the world for months when it supposedly reports the NEWS – Maddow does – in her “underreported” portion of her show – actually occasionally mention the disintegration of things in Pakistan, Afghanistan & now Syria. (Talk about ego-centric – we Americans are so quick to forget the rest of the world when we have an election – the world we also presume to be leading – the world we are presuming to be electing the next leader of.)

So – Squid – having gushed about her HEROINE worship of R. Maddow – is now going to slither off to her sanctimonious ocean depths . . .

Real Americans

The ATF has announced that they have broken up a white supremacist plot to kill Senator Obama along with over a hundred black people in a Tennessee murder spree.

Who knows how far they would have got, but who knows what other evil lurks in the hearts of such people, stoked up on campaign libel and "Joe sixpack bigotry."

No comment has been obtained from Palin headquarters yet, as to whether these are some of the "real Americans she's been talking about.

Military intelligence

The twenty first century. The military might want to shut it all down; in the name of freedom, of course.

"GPS cell phone service could be used by our adversaries for travel plans, surveillance and targeting,"

said a draft report by the 304th Military Intelligence Battalion, posted on the website of the Federation of American Scientists (FAS). No more maps at gas stations folks, and I had better go back to using a sextant on my boat lest somebody hijacks it and uses it to terrorize the Florida coast.

"Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups, communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political enthusiasts, hacktivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages to broader audiences,"

Damn those vegetarian devils!

"Twitter is already used by some members to post and/or support extremist ideologies and perspectives,"

and aren't those Republicans good at it?

"Terrorists could theoretically use Twitter social networking in the US as an operation tool,"

and the same thing goes for postcards and telephones and semaphore signals! Who knows what those boy scouts are talking about? Don't they have training camps or something like that?

"Terrorists may or may not be using voice-changing software but it should be of open source interest that online terrorist and/or terrorist enthusiasts are discussing it,"

said the Generals, and if the price of goats is being discussed in Pakistan, we need to get the flock out of there.

Cross posted from Human Voices

Blah, Blah, Blah

John McCain has begun to repeat the nuclear power song and dance he gave during the last debate. The song goes like this:

" We talked about nuclear power. Well, it has to be safe, environment, blah blah blah."

The word environment is a Pavlovian stimulus to Republicans and of course McCain is preaching only to the dogs at this point. "Enviros" are a favorite bogeyman because of course, "gimmie-gimmie, I want it for free" Republicans don't want to talk about the dangers inherent in nuclear power plants at all. They don't want to talk about the huge amount of time they take to build and to make them as safe as they are. When dogs, children and Republicans want something, they want it now, now, now and lying politicians like John McCain are always there to dangle it in from of them.

So what is McCain saying; the hell with safety? I want cheap energy no matter what the risk? I don't give a damn if New York or Chicago become the next Chernobyl? Yes, he is. That's just what he's saying and he's saying it in full knowledge that having it in the near future is out of the question.

"we've been sailing Navy ships around the world for 50 years with nuclear power plants on them."

Aye, aye Captain, but they're small, extraordinarily expensive and aren't spending most of their time parked in Phoenix or Denver or Little Rock. Unlike the expense of building and maintaining a Nimitz class carrier, the public sees the cost of electricity every month. New power plants are going to appear on your electric bill long before one Watt gets generated. To replace the oil we import today, we will need far more plants costing far more billions than High Roller John is willing to discuss.

Indeed there may have been accidents on Navy ships, despite what Mr. McCain says. Of course Three Mile Island comes to mind too. But hey - the hell with safety - we want nukes. We don't want to think about what to do with radioactive waste or what to do with obsolete plants after they have been shut down. Screw safety - Now, now, now!

"I have news for Senator Obama, nuclear power is safe, we ought to do it now."

So far it's been relatively safe but with nukes it's not only about odds, it's about the unbelievable consequences of an accident. A bad accident or terrorist incident can render large areas unlivable for thousands of years. That's why building them takes a lot of time and money. That's why we can't "do it now." McCain will likely be dead before nuclear power makes a dent in our importation of oil and he certainly won't have to worry about the long term consequences of his blah, blah, blah, arguments, will he?

Of course the cornerstone of this argument is essentially false. As with the offshore drilling argument and indeed most of the negative tirades we're hearing about Obama, it's based on what they say Obama said, and not necessarily what Obama actually said or meant. The arguments are so noisy just for this reason: to drown out reason, to obscure the facts. The fact is that to say we need to be careful when playing with dangerous things is not to oppose nuclear power. John is putting words in Barak's mouth only because he wants to win and doesn't care how much he lies to do it or how much his lies would cost you.

Cross posted from Human Voices

By way of introduction

I'm new here and thought I might give a little background on myself and my views. While I do support the Dems in general and Obama in particular, I grew up in a conservative, mainstream environment and am influenced by those years. Indeed, where I lived, the 60's was a time when parents played bridge on Friday nights and kids got a soda after school or met at the library to finish up their homework.

Schools in my area were quiet institutions where students could depend on a traditional, if not classical education. With Berkeley and Cal State Hayward to the east, Stanford to the south and San Francisco State in between, young people in my area had real choices for serious study.

A few places popped up to give young people a place to meet and make friends on weekend nights. Many had live music and friendly vendors outside selling all manner of unusual products. For those who might not be feeling well, there was a whole host of medicines and even herbs and spices!

Once your poor feelings were treated, you could meander inside and listen to as many as four or five ensembles a night play a nice selection of ballads or heart warming love songs. It was a magic time and I enjoyed all it had to offer.

Here's one female artist who typifies just what I'm talking about. Although I don't recall her name (can you help me out here, Fogg?) her slow, melodic and soulful ballads were both relaxing and moving at the same time.



With tongue firmly in cheek, I look forward to working with you all here at The Swash Zone.